Today is her birthday and I miss her so much!!

by Romy
(St. Augustine, Fl)

My mom was a victim of Ovarian Cancer. After 4 years fighting this batle she died may 21st of 2012. I was holding her hands when she had her last breath. My mom had been in extreme pain that day and finally in the afternoon they were able to control it and that's when she fell asleep. Even though her eyes were closed I knew she could hear me because she held my hand as tight as she could and didn't want to let it go. At exactly 9:55 pm, to my surprise, my mother opened her eyes; excited I leaned down to her eye level and started asking her: mom, are you awake, can you see me? Before I was done with the question, my eyes met her eyes and that's when I saw the windows of her eyes totally empty; her soul had slipped away, she was gone! I'm her only child and we've been inseparable since I was 3 years old, when she divorced my father. My mother was my everything: my #1 cheerleader in life, my best friend, my confidant, my therapist, my MOM. Even though I'm married and have two kids, I feel very lonely walking through this road. I feel abandoned, as if I am an orphan! My body feels so heavy and everything seems to be black and white. The meaning of life has changed in my mind and my brain is in standby trying to figure out the new meaning. Today is my mother's birthday, July 28; today she would've been only 60 years old. Days like today I find myself buried under my sheets, just waiting for one more day to end. Its so hard to feel normal, to want to do things, to get excited about something, to get up and start a fresh new day. I miss her dearly!!! Moments like this I wish I could have her with me; to hold on to her hands and look into her eyes and find in them my mother's life. I wish she could be here to comfort me one more time; welcoming me into her arms, and hugging me while I cry!

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Jul 29, 2012
Today is her birthday and I miss her so much!!
by: Doreen U.K.

Romy I am sorry for your loss of your mother. You express well all the bodily assaults of GRIEF. Our bodies suffer such an assault from grief that it is this that is hard to recover from. This is the pain of loss. I lost my husband 11 weeks ago from a deadly cancer he had to bear for over 3 years. I had to watch him die slowly. I was his caregiver for the whole time and it was hard watching someone you love die a slow death. I know how you feel. I lost my mother 9 years ago. I have only now been able to look at her photo and put it up. You do feel like an orphan. abandoned. In a dark place waiting to be rescued. In a pit of despair and don't know how to get out. The time for this first stage to pass is different for all of us. If it is prolonged then one has to decide whether to go for grief counselling so that you can get the support to move forward and not be stuck in grief. Life is difficult from day to day. You do wonder how you can go on. Days you will feel that you don't want to do anything, or go anywhere. You do lose the joy of living and life in general. Life does lose its meaning. More difficult when one has childen and like yourself you have to still function whether you like it or not. But you do this in silent mode. Like a Robot.
I hope that you do have support in the days ahead to help you cope with your grief as this is a very painful place to be right now.

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