Today was the day life changed forever.

by Louise
(Scotland)

One year ago today (18/12/12), was the day my families life changed forever.
My Mum called me to tell me that my Dad had collapsed on way to his work and that he had been taken to hospital.
I now think of the hope that we felt, that my Dad would be sitting up in hospital or be getting treatment for his heart. That it may be a long road ahead, but hopefully my Dad would be ok. My Dad never woke up. He suffered a sudden cardiac arrest and although his heart ironically seemed ok, the doctors told us that it was my Dads head that had been effected. The lack of oxygen to his brain for 20 minutes is what would determine wether my Dad would ever come around again.
From today until Christmas one year ago we sat by my Dads bedside. We talked to him, kissed him, touched him and talked together as a family. Hoping that he would wake up and be his normal self. However, that didnt happen. Instead, on Christmas Day at 1920, my Dad passed away. I still have so many questions. Questions I never asked doctors. How do you know my Dad was without oxygen for 20 minutes? How can you tell my Dad's brain is no longer working? Why did this happen?
My Dad was 62 years old. A young man with so much to offer his wife, myself and my brother and his two grandchildren. A more selfless, loving man you couldn't meet. My Dad was a one off, the mould was broken when he was born. Our lives will never be the same.
As Christmas Day fast approaches, we are all trying to prepare for a day without my Dad. How can we ever feel normal again in Christmas Day after that was the day my Dad passed.
The pain now is still as sore in our hearts as it was a year ago. It's sometimes more as its now 1 year since we kissed or held my Dad.
I now worry about my MuM. She has lost her life partner. The man who she met when she was 17 years old. I look at couples in their 60's walking around town or sitting in a restaurant eating a meal together. Then I realise, my Mum has now lost those years. She has noone to share these times with. It hurts me, how must my Mum feel? I feel vulnerable and scared as I now only have 1 parent.
Mass will be offered for my Dad on Christmas Day. We will take comfort from this as my Dad was a man of his faith. We will then go to the cemetery to lay flowers. It's just all surreal. I still can't believe we are doing this. Part of me feels like I spoke to my Dad yesterday and that we will see him again.
We love you Dad. So so much.

Comments for Today was the day life changed forever.

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Jan 21, 2014
Very sorry for your loss
by: Anonymous

Louise, I understand as much as anyone can. My dad died on Christmas Day 2012 from a head injury. He fell down outside of our house, and we found him when we came home. He was in a coma and died a few days later, on Christmas. I'm sure he loved you very much and that he is still watching over you. The holidays were very rough this first year, especially Christmas. I hope you and your family have found some peace. <3

Jan 03, 2014
I feel your pain
by: Paula

Oh my. I can feel the pain in your post. I, too , lost my Dad in 2013. He had a Pulmonary Embolism. He was the nicest, kindest, most selfless wonderful Dad. He lived in a small town and did everything for everyone and never expected anything in return. He loved mom, he loved his children, and grandchildren. Oh, and we loved him. Grief is tough, it's ugly, it's messy, and leaves one with so many what ifs? I hope in time you can heal, I hope we can all move forward and piece our lives back together somehow. You are not alone.

Dec 19, 2013
Today was the day life changed forever.
by: Doreen UK

Louise I am sorry for your loss of your father to a sudden death. This is the worst time of the year after losing a loved one.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 19 months ago and this is my second Christmas without him, and I feel the pain and the loss of him more now than the first year. I was numb with grief. I am in the same place as your mother having lost a husband at the age of 65yrs. and having to go through life by myself. My 3 children are Adults and living their own lives. A difficult time for a wife to now find she is on her own without her husband. All you can do is be supportive to your mother and ask her how you can help her? She will need some times on her own to process her grief and her loss. As long as she knows you care and she can talk to you this is the start of the healing from grief. I know life goes on for everyone. But it hurts because the days feel so surreal as you say even after 1 yr. When someone is missing from our family unit, the atmosphere changes for us and life is never the same again. I will be glad when Christmas is over and a new year begins. Whatever life holds for us we know that we will recover. Death is one of the worst difficulties we have to cope with and heal from and the process is so slow. Keep Hope alive that you will recover from grief. One day at a time.

Dec 18, 2013
Dear Louise,
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry to read about your father. Sadly, I have had a very similar experience. You see, I got the same phone call from my mother on January 14, 2013. My father had collapsed while playing golf. Like you, I imagined that when we got to the ER, he would be sitting up in bed, tired and shaken, but alive. I figured we would have a long road of rehabilitation ahead of us. Even though he was 81 years old, he was so active and seemingly healthy - I thought recovery would be a long haul, but we would get through it. My mother, his wife of almost 50 years, knew otherwise. She sobbed on the way to the ER - she had a "feeling" that he was gone. She was right. He had suffered Sudden Cardiac Arrest, and never came back from it. He was pronounced dead a few hours later. I recently posted about my feelings of guilt - questions I never asked, the signs I may have missed. I was in shock that morning, and sat there in silence as my sweet father passed on. I was helpless and couldn't do anything to save him. Time seemed to slow down that day and every memory I have is almost in slow motion, but I remember every detail so clearly - even a year later. There are days when I simply cannot believe that almost a year has gone by. Today was one of those days. I just broke down crying in the market, because my life seems so surreal, and so unbalanced. Everything feels "off". Everything has changed. I worry so much about my mother. I am an only child, and I fear losing her now too. She misses him so, so much. They were soul mates, and her pain is insurmountable. She is so sad and broken, and I can't fix it for her. This weekend I will get flowers for a rememberance - that seems unreal also. Normally I would be getting my house ready for a fun filled Christmas with lots of joy and laughter. We truly enjoyed Christmas around here - my Dad was a real character and made it so much fun for my children. I'm sorry that I have rambled on....I just connected with your post so much and wanted to respond. If it is any comfort at all, know that you are not alone. I understand your pain and your profound loss. I will keep you in my thoughts and pray that you and your family manage to find some comfort and peace during this holiday season and are surrounded by God's love. Barb

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