Today was the day life changed forever.
One year ago today (18/12/12), was the day my families life changed forever.
My Mum called me to tell me that my Dad had collapsed on way to his work and that he had been taken to hospital.
I now think of the hope that we felt, that my Dad would be sitting up in hospital or be getting treatment for his heart. That it may be a long road ahead, but hopefully my Dad would be ok. My Dad never woke up. He suffered a sudden cardiac arrest and although his heart ironically seemed ok, the doctors told us that it was my Dads head that had been effected. The lack of oxygen to his brain for 20 minutes is what would determine wether my Dad would ever come around again.
From today until Christmas one year ago we sat by my Dads bedside. We talked to him, kissed him, touched him and talked together as a family. Hoping that he would wake up and be his normal self. However, that didnt happen. Instead, on Christmas Day at 1920, my Dad passed away. I still have so many questions. Questions I never asked doctors. How do you know my Dad was without oxygen for 20 minutes? How can you tell my Dad's brain is no longer working? Why did this happen?
My Dad was 62 years old. A young man with so much to offer his wife, myself and my brother and his two grandchildren. A more selfless, loving man you couldn't meet. My Dad was a one off, the mould was broken when he was born. Our lives will never be the same.
As Christmas Day fast approaches, we are all trying to prepare for a day without my Dad. How can we ever feel normal again in Christmas Day after that was the day my Dad passed.
The pain now is still as sore in our hearts as it was a year ago. It's sometimes more as its now 1 year since we kissed or held my Dad.
I now worry about my MuM. She has lost her life partner. The man who she met when she was 17 years old. I look at couples in their 60's walking around town or sitting in a restaurant eating a meal together. Then I realise, my Mum has now lost those years. She has noone to share these times with. It hurts me, how must my Mum feel? I feel vulnerable and scared as I now only have 1 parent.
Mass will be offered for my Dad on Christmas Day. We will take comfort from this as my Dad was a man of his faith. We will then go to the cemetery to lay flowers. It's just all surreal. I still can't believe we are doing this. Part of me feels like I spoke to my Dad yesterday and that we will see him again.
We love you Dad. So so much.