Too long to find him, too little time with him
by Sally Thompson
At age 47 I had very rarely dated. I met Chuck through his sister and we knew right away there was something special. He was 54 and had also never been married. After 2 dates he told me he loved me. A little over a month and we were engaged. Our friends and family approved. We both thought that kind of love was made up by writers for movies until we met each other. We KNEW we would never cheat, lie or hurt each other. Our wedding had to be put off while I suffered a rare strain of pneumonia. He stuck with me through all the side effects of taking steroids including weight gain and mood swings. We were married September 23, 2011. Our life together was ideal. Fights were brief, clean and resolved quickly. We were so happy. Then late Jan 18th he was tossing in bed and I asked what was wrong and he said his chest hurt. I got up to get dressed and he started saying it hurt. I called 911. They got there and by now his lips were blue. I had been performing CPR. The EMTs used defibrillator it shocked him conscious he flailed around and I took his hand and said it's ok babe it's Sally. I'm here. Don't leave me. He squeezed my hand and said ok I love you. On the way to the hospital I saw him throw up all over himself. I sat waiting to hear they had him fixed when the doctor came and said he was doing everything he could but there was too much damage to his heart muscle.
He had no history of heart disease ate healthy. We had so many happy years planned together after being alone for so long and he was taken away before our four month anniversary. It's been 12 days and its all I can do to get out of bed. I know i need to exercise, get out in the world, stop drowning my sorrow with food i know the grief will subside but eventually i have to get back to work. I also wonder how can I ever date again without feeling like I'm cheating on Chuck. I feel like I'm stuck in a nightmare and I can't wake up.