Too many feelings and emotions....

My losses haven't necessarily been in a very short time frame, but there have been enough that it seems like it. I'm 31 years old. My first experience with death was at 4, when my uncle passed away. I knew then this was a terrible thing, it was the first time I'd ever seen my father cry, Then seeing everyone cry. For days...anyway, I lost another great aunt at 8, my uncle at 10. A close friends father passed away when I was 14, then at 15 received devastating news from my Mom that she had cancer, and 6 months later passing away. As a teenager without a Mom, I felt lost, cheated and so alone. My father died suddenly when I was 22, and 6 months pregnant with my son. My grandparents who where a major part of my life growing up, passed away when I was 25 and 27. My ex husbands mother, that I'd known for years passed when I was 28, now just receiving the news the my ex husbands father will not make it through the night. Now every time some is close to death our had passed all the feelings come back from every person I've ever lost! I'm so tired of death, the pain and sadness it brings, and more so, now my poor son asks why everyone he loves has to leave....its not fair. Sorry for rambling, its been a hard day.

Comments for Too many feelings and emotions....

Click here to add your own comments

Sep 04, 2013
Too many feeling and emotions....
by: Doreen U.K.

Ramble all you want. You have the right to express how you feel. As a child you have faced losses of people from your life in one way or another till your Adult years. This is such a heavy burden to bear. When a child faces grief and it is not explained they grow up with hurt, anger and sometimes distortions of dying. You seem to have a very balanced sense of your losses throughout your life. It would be normal for you to wonder when it will end and worry about who you will lose next. One does become vulnerable to loss.
As a teenager to lose your mother especially to cancer is hard because you have to live with the cancer and then the loss. All the fears and the worries if not dealt with only pile up. Losses can overlap where you don't get the time to process each loss and grieve this so you can feel it altogether. You could seriously benefit from seeing a grief counsellor for some time to start talking about how you felt as a child, and then progress upwards till you deal with how you felt about each loss and what this did to you. This is important for you to do in order to move forward otherwise you will be limiting our life and will feel as if you are always grieving and this is what life is all about. do this for yourself. It will be worth it. You are too young to not be happy and know how happy life can be. You will also be helping your son grow up with less stress around dying. He needs to express his feelings also so that he can grow up with a balance of Life and death because they do come as a package. Death is something we usually think of down the line when we get older. This used to be the norm but not anymore.
I lost my husband to cancer 16 months ago. Lost my mom 10yrs. ago but only felt the grief of my mom at the same time as grieving for my husband. I know it is hard dealing with death, dying, loneliness and all the feelings and emotions afterwards. But it is possible to grieve and move forward. For you it will take longer due to having faced so many losses over your lifetime. You can also keep a journal and start writing about your first loss and express your feelings and emotions. Write about each loss and feel the feelings and grief. You will cry a lot. But you will eventually Heal from all these losses and be able to move forward.

Sep 03, 2013
Too many feelings and emotions...
by: Pat J.Green Bay,WI

I am so sorry for all the losses you have experienced at such a young age. We will never understand why some lives are cut so short.
I was 12 and 13 when I lost two of my grandparents. I am 66, yet still remember that time in my life. I was devasted. I remember crying and asking why.
When I was 29 with 5 small children, my mother died at the age of 50 from breast cancer. She fought that terrible disease for 11 years. She died the day before my 11 wedding anniversary. I still remember all the tears I shed and how much I missed her. Thirty years later my husband and I found my dad sleping eternally in his recliner at home. He died from a massive heart attack. It was 2 years on June 27th, that my husband died from a massive heart attack, sitting on the side of our bed. He died the day after our 46th wedding anniversary.
I too ask why some have to experience so many losses while others don't. This grief blog, makes me realize I am not alone in my grief. I still come on it almost everyday, two years after my husbands death. This site is a constant reminder, that I am not alone.
After the death of my husband, I felt a part of me died. I still feel that way. My life is forever changed, but I have adult children and grandchildren who love and care about me. I am living for them. I try to put on a happy face; sometimes I actually do feel happy, but this happy is a new kind of happy. I will always have this ache for my husband.
Cherish and love the gifts you do have; I am trying to do that, instead of dwelling on what has been taken from me. I asked"Why me?" Now, I understand, why not me. Take it one day at a time. We will always miss our loved ones. The best way to honor our loved ones is to enjoy each day. I'm living for both myself and my husband. I talk to him everyday. I occasionally talk to my parents. I am still envious of others who still have both of their parents. I am terribly envious of couples holding hands and kissing; remembering what I am missing since the death of my husband.
This is the life our God has given us. Things in life happen for a reason. We are stronger because of the crosses we bare. God gives us strength. I keep thinking of the poem,"Foot Prints in the Sand". God has carried me many times and since June 27,2011, he carries me often.
My faith gets me through each day.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Multiple Losses.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!