Too Many Losses

It began in Spring of 2011 on the day I was taking my precious Boo Boo, a fifteen year old dog, to the vet to be put to sleep. I received a phone call from my ex brother-in-law about my ex husband, whom I still loved dearly. He had been diagnosed with lung cancer. He died five months later in September. In February my oldest sister was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and died in November of 2012. A month earlier my 18 year old poodle died from old age. My 94 year old mother died only 6 months after my sister died. Three loved ones and two pets in two years is just too many deaths.

I feel like I'm doing well. I sleep a lot and find myself not wanting to even think about my sister and my mother. It's like if I don't think about them, they are still alive. I know they're not, but my mind won't go to that place of remembering that they're dead. What an awful word...dead. It does sum it up, though. I don't want to think about it so I don't. I just sleep a lot. My daily routine helps. I live my life normally but I feel anxious at times. I don't want to think about anything sad or terribly meaningful. I've relied on God and he's helped me cope. I can't imagine what it would have been like if I weren't a Christian.

Mother has been gone almost 4 months, my sister not quite one year. My ex has been gone 2 years now. I still miss them all and think of them often. I just don't think of them as gone forever.

Comments for Too Many Losses

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Oct 02, 2013
Is this a "bad patch" as my Nana would say?
by: Anonymous

Too many losses oh I can so relate! It seems my life has been filled with loss for the past five years, I lost my Mom to cancer in September 2008, lost my mother-in-law 13 days later and then 3 weeks later my best friends only son died suddenly at 17 years old! So, at that point I asked God to please help me and give me a break just to try to recover a bit and he did! Last July my beloved Bull Mastiff got very sick (fluid around her loving heart) and we had no choice but to help her over the rainbow bridge. I sat with her it was the first time I had ever had the courage to do this but I am so glad it did, oh how I grieved that dog, she was the sweetest, kindest animal I have ever had and there will never be another Brandy Lyn. I cried for a week just as if I had lost my human family members but again I asked God to help me and again he did. My Nana was very ill with Alzheimers and was 89 when we lost her this past February, I was there with her just as I was with my Mom, my mother-in-law and my Brandy girl. Thank you God for letting me be with her, she is at peace now. Again I grieved (and still do of course) but asked God again for strength and again he did of course. We had a blessed event in April, my beautiful nieces wedding in San Francisco, oh it was so magical. That night my father-in-law passed away, I think he was just waiting for one of these girls to finally have a wedding (4 grandaughters and two grandsons) and so far this has been our only wedding! We miss you so much Papi. Another reprieve from above and then I got a call on my birthday in late July that my Pop fell and was not doing well, we should have known he was ill but he never said anything, I drove down August 1st, and stayed continuously until he passed in the wee hours of August 7th - I still feel like I got hit by a truck, it was just so sudden. I am crying now as I write this and it is about time because I need to cry and get this out - I am again praying to God to please give me another reprieve. To top it off, the night I got back from my Pop's funeral, I let my dog out and she got skunked at midnight (believe me I could not make this up if I wanted to) after about two weeks of NO sleep I stayed up all night bathing my dog and trying to get the skunk smell out of my house.That night I literally went numb and laughed because it was so darn unbelievable what else can you do? Well she recovered from the skunking but got sick last week and had to have emergency GDV (twisted stomach surgery)BUT she is alive and doing better. Yesterday we found out that my fiancee's father collapsed and is now in the hospital in Honolulu, HI - he is not doing well, heart rate very low, he has an aortic aneurysm in his intestines but too small to do surgery is the last we heard, praying again for God to show us mercy and watch over him and all of us.

Oct 01, 2013
Too Many Losses
by: Doreen UK

I am sorry for your loss of 3 loved ones and 2 pets in less than two years.
Perhaps you could benefit from seeing a grief counsellor to help you grief these many losses. You say you are becoming anxious. This is a symptom you are not coping well and may be repressing the thoughts of these losses as it is too much to cope with all at once. If you postpone your grief sort of in a pretence way that your mother and sister are still alive may cause you to repress memories which will be impossible to heal from and end up in years with this all bubbling under the surface and then you will be forced to seek professional help to bring these repressed memories up to the surface for resolving. Often when we feel anxious it could be of something underlying that we can't understand or get at to resolve. They are just repressed memories pressing for resolution. I have done this grief work so know of the pitfalls but also of the benefits of trying to resolve grief from the past which is hard. It could even be any loss in life. On the other hand not thinking of your mother and sister may just be timing and you trying to process their loss but being in denial. Sometimes one can be in denial and not know it till grief becomes a problem. But for me I think of denial as being God's way of giving me my grief in small doses so it was more bearable. I am speaking of one loss of my husband 17 months ago. More losses. I would find hard and need support with as this can become all too much at one time to recover from.
Having a belief in God is Good. Because God is our Healer, our Creator, our Saviour. It is to God we look with Hope to get through life. We also know as a Christian we will see our loved one's again. This all helps our grief and our ability to move forward. If you find yourself struggling and unable to move forward then seek a grief counsellor. Otherwise keep an eye on your emotions and anxiety levels. If they don't become stable you need to do something about this. The secret is TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME. Don't look too far ahead. Taking one day at a time has helped me immensely to cope with grief.

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