Too Many Losses
It began in Spring of 2011 on the day I was taking my precious Boo Boo, a fifteen year old dog, to the vet to be put to sleep. I received a phone call from my ex brother-in-law about my ex husband, whom I still loved dearly. He had been diagnosed with lung cancer. He died five months later in September. In February my oldest sister was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and died in November of 2012. A month earlier my 18 year old poodle died from old age. My 94 year old mother died only 6 months after my sister died. Three loved ones and two pets in two years is just too many deaths.
I feel like I'm doing well. I sleep a lot and find myself not wanting to even think about my sister and my mother. It's like if I don't think about them, they are still alive. I know they're not, but my mind won't go to that place of remembering that they're dead. What an awful word...dead. It does sum it up, though. I don't want to think about it so I don't. I just sleep a lot. My daily routine helps. I live my life normally but I feel anxious at times. I don't want to think about anything sad or terribly meaningful. I've relied on God and he's helped me cope. I can't imagine what it would have been like if I weren't a Christian.
Mother has been gone almost 4 months, my sister not quite one year. My ex has been gone 2 years now. I still miss them all and think of them often. I just don't think of them as gone forever.