Too Many to Count!
I am lost in a sea of grief. I am trying to find my way out, but I haven't figured out how yet. I lost my brother, father, and fiancee all within 5 months in 2011 and I am still stuck. I have decided to try journaling to help me figure out who I am without these loved ones. It's too bad that we all seem to define ourselves by those we have around us. My brother and father lived in another state so their losses were not as personal as my fiancee. Before he died, we had been a dedicated couple for 6-7 years. He was seriously ill for 10 weeks before he died. I had to do everything for him, including becoming his power of attorney so I could access his bank account and pay his bills. After weeks of ICU care and 2 bouts on a ventilator, he was finally able to leave the hospital and go to a nursing home for rehab. One day he asked me, "Why are you doing all of this stuff for me?" I couldn't imagine why he would ask this. I told him "Because I love you." It just seemed natural to me. I don't think he ever felt love from his family. He felt alienated from them. I am still caring for his dog. He is a huge comfort to me. I am the natural care giving type. Without anyone to care for, except 2 dogs, I am lost. I feel like I am drowning in a sea of grief. I have started journaling to try to help myself find a new path. I am retired, have health problems, and live alone, except for my dogs. I don't know how to define myself without Frank, my lost fiancee. I hope some others will read this. I look forward to hearing your ideas.