Too many traumatic events in two year period
My story begins with watching my mother pass from cancer by myself then waking my father, who suffered from Alzheimer's, and getting him to fully understand what had happened. One week later had to move my father into nursing home. Three weeks later father-in-law entered hospital. I witnessed his passing less than six months later. Had spent all my time going from nursing home, 45 minutes away, to hospital, one and a half hours away, while still working full time. Two months later aunt entered icu. One month after that my father passed. My aunt passed on one year anniversary of mothers death. At this time I was diagnosed with several serious illnesses requiring surgeries and infusions. Had surgery number one for life threatening issue. Had already developed severe anxiety after mothers death. Incidents that followed include molestation by police officers for 4 hours after auto accident and was denied medical treatment for that duration although I was clearly in need of. All surveillance from patrol cars and precinct "disappeared".
Divorce discussions ongoing through all this time. Underwent second surgery for worsening physical illness. Husband was a total narcissist and mentally abusive. Physically abusive later on, choking me three weeks after surgery for neck and hitting and throwing me against bookcase, picking me up and repeating. Lived in hotels and with friends before moving. Searched for new job, high level, stressful. Three months after moving involved in major auto accident-broke several bones including ribs, leg, wrist-4 months in wheelchair. Divorce finalized while still in wheelchair. Husband never came to hospital despite fact I almost died and was on way to see him to work out our agreement. Nine months later still unable to work and in physical therapy. Obvious financial hardships. Had already been in therapy before accident and diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder, post traumatic stress syndrome and OCD. Continue to deal with pain from accident in addition to other ongoing physical illnesses.
So many other issues to deal with relating to these events.
Feel that I've surpassed breaking point and that it is impossible to believe things will get better.
No hope, paralyzed by anxiety and depression, nightmares when not suffering severe insomnia.
Have strong faith in God but I am completely lost and disconnected.
How do I go on from here? How do you put one foot in front of the other?
I miss happiness and hope. Unrelenting pain and sadness overwhelming.