Too many

by rita
(indianapolis)

I wrote about my sister and the first lost, grief, depression and questions of why. Well after a couple years my brother was operated on and given months to live. After my sister I always thought it was so devastating because we never said bye or had any idea she was going to be gone with no warning.

Well I found out it doesn't really matter, it is still the same tears, helpless, hopeless, sadness and depression. Now you feel like a ticking time bomb will it be the next phone call.. will it be when I am on my way to see him.

So I guess the bottom line is it all stinks. There is that place inside all of us that balls up and just wants to hide to get away, to not feel this pain. But we all know that is the cowards way out we need to be there to help and support our love one who is probably so scared.

I spent the night at the hospital with his daughter and wife, he was no longer opening his eyes or speaking. Oh did I mention that the months they gave him turned into 2 weeks. The next morning my husband came by with coffee and a kiss for our anniversary. My mom, dad and other brother came in so I said I was going to go home and get some sleep and would be back.

Well tylenol pm was the only way that would happen. I woke up and the phone rang my mom said to come quick the nurse said it could be anytime. I jumped in the car and got there in 20 minutes but it was too late, he was gone. I pulled up a chair put my head in my hands and cried. I cried for my brother and my sister who passed before him. And then the cycle it started again the grief, sadness, depression and hopelessness (is that a word) if not it is now. So now what was to come yep more to write about my dad, uncle, aunt, son and mother.