Too Much Loss
(Forked River, NJ, USA)
Was dealing with the passing of my 87 year old mother. She'd lived with me, my husband and son for 7 years, since my dad died. She was in a nursing home the last four months and just wanted to go be with dad, and she finally did. Missed her a lot but knew she was at peace and with dad again at last. She died 8/14/10.
My husband and I have been planning to move to North Dakota to live. Bought a house there in a small, friendly little farming community. Jim went out there 9/17 to do some work on the house. He'd call me every morning as soon as he was up, and then several times a day to let me know how the work was going. On Saturday, 9/25, I hadn't heard from him by the normal time and got worried. Called a friend out there and asked her to please check on him. She did. He'd died of a heart attack. By all appearances he was a fit 56 - but apparently not really. I was in shock.
My 22 year old son was also out there but out hiking in a national park with a friend. I had to get rangers to locate him. I was frantic to get out there - we live in NJ. Flew out the next day with one of my brothers-in-law and his wife. Saw my love one last time and took care of the arrangements there.
Came home after a week. Have started all the necessary paperwork. Had a "Celebration of Life" gathering at my home with family and friends last Saturday. It's all really starting to hit me now. We'd been married 25 years. The early years were rough but we'd worked through everything, understood ourselves and each other. The love had truly grown and deepened over the years and we were so looking forward to our new life adventure in ND, and growing old there together.
I just miss him so much, he was my heart and my life. And on top of it, I keep wanting to talk to my mom about it and I can't do that either.