Too much to take

by Erin
(UK)

My brother in law died suddenly and unexpectedly aged just 34 from an undiagnosed heart condition leaving the whole family devastated and my husband utterly broken and crushed at the loss of his brother and best friend. He struggles to see how life can go on without him and is struggling with the utter unfairness of it all. My Brother in Law was the most selfless, caring person you could ever meet and he had already suffered through his life with depression and disability. It was a gross injustice.
Then, less than a month later my Mum was found dead in her hallway having suffered a brain haemmorhage due to a fall. She was just 60. I feel as though our whole world has come crashing down on us; we didn't know how purely happy we were until the happiness was snatched away from us. I don't feel I can even begin to grieve for my Mum openly because (through no fault of my husband's) he is in such deep grief himself it is too much for us to cope with.
I have begin suffering from agonising pain in my neck caused by pure grief and tension, and it's hard to see when we will ever feel better.
We are both opting for counselling, and although I know it's not a quick fix, I only hope it will help us to see a way forward through this awful time.

Comments for Too much to take

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Feb 05, 2014
Dear Erin,
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for the pain you and your family are going through. Grief is so incredibly overwhelming, it smothers you, and it seems there is nothing to do but ride it out. My life changed last year when my father died suddenly from cardiac arrest. Sudden death is so traumatizing, and I think I am still in shock. But somehow I get through each day, and while it is not easy, it is all I can do. Grief can manifest itself as physical pain-I also have had a pain in my neck/shoulders for about about 9 months. I found this website, and it has gotten me through some very dark days. We all understand your pain and your grief. It will be a long journey, but you and your husband will get through to the other side. Just take one day at a time, and be kind to yourselves. Accept help and support when it is offered. I really am sorry for your losses, I hope you can begin to find some peace as you both begin to heal. Barb

Feb 03, 2014
Too much
by: Anonymous--MI

Erin, Grief is definitely going to be your companion for some time now; but as grief washes over you and pulls you along, strength comes also. God will give you strength just when you think you can't go on. I lost my dear husband 14 months ago to SCA and the sorrow is still so difficult and hard to imagine there will ever be joy again. But, God has promised us after the sorrow comes the joy. We must remain faithful to God and trust Him because He is all that we have to help us out of this dark valley of sorrow. I am so sorry for your grief and I pray for peace to come to you and all on this site.

Feb 03, 2014
Too much to take
by: Doreen UK

Erin I am sorry for your loss of your brother-in-law and also your mother. You are doing the best thing by seeking counselling. If you get the right counsellor you can move forward much easier as grief can cause us many complications that a counsellor could pick up on. I lost my husband of 44yrs. to lung cancer 21 months ago and if I had not done the whole counselling bit some years ago I would not have coped with his death. After my counselling I felt so amazing I wish everyone could have this experience. I felt life for the first time in my 40's. I realise that for the first 40yrs. of my life I was only existing. My husband was the love of my life.
My sister needed a counsellor to come to her home and pick her up when she lost her son of 30yrs. to suicide. He threw himself in front of an express train having suffered depression. WE are all so touched by tragedy which crushes our comfortable life and causes us such misery it is often hard to go on. You would have to grieve each loss separately otherwise it could eat you up inside for years and then you would sooner or later have to deal with your grief and it would be harder and more painful. Often one can be in such pain and end counselling. DON'T DO THIS. It is always worse before it gets better. Often a person could feel counselling is not working because you may not feel better quickly. Healing is slow. But one day you will see the benefits for staying with the programme. The healing from grief is so amazing it can't be put into words. Don't go in with any expectations. You won't be disappointed. But you will feel the benefit in time. I wish you all the best in your grief journey and counselling. I am sorry for your losses.

Feb 03, 2014
Too much to take
by: Alan

Erin, my condolences to you and your husband on the loss of your brother in law and your mother. You must both be suffering very much. Grief is an awful thing. I lost my wife of 40 years a year ago and although grief is different for everybody, I'm afraid you and your husband are in for a rough time. I actually went to the doctors because I thought I was having a heart attack, but I still have that pain in my heart and I know it is a broken heart. It's physical. Just try and hang in there Erin. Support your husband and make sure he supports you. If you're anything like me, you'll cry over nothing, you'll be so sad it hurts, you'll have no motivation. You'll ask God why is he doing this to you. Like me, you have become a member of the grief club and it's horrible. There are heaps of people on this site who will be thinking of you and your husband and praying for you. Just try and be strong, it's going to be a while before you feel any better. Best wishes, Alan.

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