Too Old to Start Over -

by Theresa
(Canada)


I'm 60 in a few weeks and live in a nice but modest house in the country. I run a cattery ... very clean and loving. I show my champion purebreds in an accredited association (in case anyone thinks I'm a hoarder). I have 2 adult sons who do not live very close by.

My husband is addicted to sex I think. I always knew he fooled around but chose to ignore it. In recent years he has received a written police warning to stay away from talking to women on the street ....a year passed and then be got arrested for solicitation. The police impounded his (my) vehicle and to make a long story less complicated it cost our modest life savings to pay all the various fees and the lawyer.

Another year passed and he got another warning ... about a year (again) after that he was caught in a "john sting" and arrested again. He had to go to court and the judge let him off but it still cost various fees.

Just yesterday a lady who adopted one of my kittens told me that my husband telephoned her making lewd remarks and she is concerned for her safety (her name/address/phone info was on the kitten contract).

I would leave but have nowhere to go ... no job for many years out here in the country (I have skills but rusty) so must move closer to a city ... but need a job first to save up for a place ... but no job without the city ... round and round it goes ... and it takes a lot of time to find homes for many cats.

Besides, I'm 60 ... who will hire this rusty bucket? I will keep moving forward, though. I've squirreled away a few dollars from each kitten placement over the last 7 years and it should take me less time than that to save up a bit more to be enough to leave.

I grow tired of the humiliation and look forward to emancipation at last. Every night I lie in bed checking the job and small house for sale (nearer the city) ads on the net ... when I stumbled across this site and decided to speak up, too.

Best wishes to everyone ... keep going ... I don't want another relationship - just peace and dignity.

Comments for Too Old to Start Over -

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Oct 22, 2014
never too late
by: Anonymous

hi there,
I wanted to comment as I was very moved by your story. Age is just a number, it may not feel like that at times, especially in the job market, but you stated that its day by day.....and as each day give yourself little victory however, small and dream big. Try to keep your chin up as I honestly know what it is like feeling so frighten and worried due to being older.
I wish you all the very best and lots of lot of little victories.

Oct 18, 2014
Sixty is not OLD!
by: Debby

You are only as old as you feel. I know we hear that all the time, but it's true. I am a 59 year old woman living in the body and mind of a 25 year old. Your husband has drained the life out you. That's a shame. If your marriage is not working, it certainly will wear you down, both physically and emotionally. I learned that one of the most important parts of any relationship is laughter.....if you can keep that going, nothing can get you down. Don't let your husband rob you of having fun. The cats are great, I have a pedigree cat, but he's not much of a conversationalist! Just kidding....hope that made you at least smile :-) My husband passed away in January of this year, we loved each others company and I miss him every minute of every day. I pray you find someone to make you happy!

Oct 16, 2014
Too Old to Start Over---
by: Doreen UK

Therese you are in a very difficult place right now and it can feel very daunting to have to start thinking of starting over again. FOCUS is the key.
You have started thinking along these lines already by downsizing the cattery and looking at jobs and houses. Every now and then you may feel like giving up, as it is too much hard work. You may feel much is against you. Take one day at a time, and make a priority list and you will soon get through this.
You can take time out for yourself to have a talk with a counselor for the strength and encouragement to make this move. Put a strategy in place and see if you can get some people support in the way of family and friends. If you don't have this type of support you can rely on outside support from groups and other people who have been through this and willing to offer you advice and support to get started. Many people do find themselves late in life having to move out and start life over again. You are right though. You need to live with peace of mind and to retain your dignity. This type of humiliation your husband is indulging in, carries a lot of shame and guilt and it is your husband's guilt not yours. But it will rub off on you if you stay. You need to build yourself up and get your self esteem back and with the support of your two sons you will be able to find your way out of a marriage that cannot survive such INFIDELITY. Write back with an update and strength for other's who may have to take the plunge and do what you have to do. We are here to support and encourage you.

Oct 16, 2014
NOT SO
by: Judith in California

Theresa, 60 is still young. you will get old if you tell yourself you are. I neer way I am old becasue I'm not at 68. YOu will believe what you tell yourself. Go to a class that offers you the chance at a job in a profession of your liking or to brush up on the skills you already have so tht you can be hireable. zif you want something bad enough then you must make the effort. IF you choose to stay in the circle of lost hope then what do you expect to happen.
Please stop with the self defeating messages within you.

Get moving.. you are not old.

Oct 14, 2014
maybe
by: Anonymous

Maybe a social service agency can help. You deserve a lot. Don't forget that. Take care. Mary

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