Too Young

by Lauren

I am 28 years old and was with my fiancé for 8 years before he died of colon cancer at the age of 29. It's been a few months since his death but I still feel as sad as the day he passed. He had cancer for the past 5 years and I always thought he would make it. I didn't want to believe that a 29 year old could die of colon cancer and I didn't want to believe that I would have to go on with my life without him. After college I devoted my life to this man and now I am lost without him. I don't know what to do with myself and nothing seems to alleviate the sadness and anger I feel. I left my job and home to move back in with my family thinking I would feel better. All I really ever seem to want to do is sleep. I feel like it's my one escape. I wish I could be happy for all of my friends getting married and succeeding in their jobs but in reality all I feel is anger that the dreams I once had have been destroyed. I know I need to move forward but I can find no motivation to do so.

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Sep 21, 2012
by: Anonymous

I lost the love of my life this year, very unexpectedly and tragically. My motivation for making it another 30-60 years without him? I think, he is in Heaven exploring so that when I get there, he can show me everything. That, all of our dreams will finally be fulfilled on the "new earth." That could be a long way off, but it will happen, eventually. How do I make it until that day? First, I read the Bible all of the time so that the day of our being reunited doesn't seem so far off and so that I can have a better idea of what he may be doing where he is. Second, I try not to think about tomorrow, all those years ahead. That sets me into a panic. Third, I think about what tasks I am supposed to finish here before I get to go there, and then start working on them. Fourth, I try very hard not to reflect on all I will not have here on this earth where I have been left behind. Maybe none of this will work for you . . . but . . . it has helped me deal with the despair. I still weep and have extremely difficult days but I am able to manage them a little better. It has been very hard to get to this point. I don't consider it "moving on" because, what the heck is that? There is no such thing as "moving on" after you have lost the love of your life. It is more like coping with the intense grief that consumes my every waking and sleeping moment. Hang in there. God bless!

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