Travis, my love , my son, my life

by Jane greenwood
(Austin Texas )




On May 26, 2013 just 5 days ago I lost my 22 yr old son. He had a fatal motorcycle accident and was pronounced dead at the scene This has been a nightmare and I have NEVER felt this much pain anguish and suffering in all my life. They say things always happen for a reason and I have believed that up til now. There's absolutely no way anything will ever come from this that will make any sense to me nor can something so negative as this ever become something positive. No way no how!!! I'm super angry with my maker and he shouldn't of taken my sweet boy/young man. Travis had so much life left in him and he wasn't even close to being to ready to leave this world. It's not fair and I probably will never get 1 but I've asked god to give me a sign to let me know Travis is ok. I don't know that I will ever be able to believe again of ever have my faith restored unless I get some sort of sign. Im Waiting and Watching patiently as I can but I don't plan on gettin my hopes up I'm sorry and I was raised in a strong Christian home and I have been saved and baptized but I have had all faith ripped outta me the day my son was killed I miss him and want him back Will my anger suffering and overwhelming sadness ever go away? I drove up on his accident and I jumped out of my vehicle and ran over to him and that's the very moment I lost strength within along with my faith and positive thinking. Is anyone else going thru this now?

Sincerely
Mom

Comments for Travis, my love , my son, my life

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Jul 29, 2014
I, too, have lost my son
by: Anonymous

My son, Scott, was killed on May 30,2014 when an impaired driver crossed the center line and struck him on his Harley head on. Because of legal reasons we cannot comment and do not even know many details of the accident. Scott was a firefighter, fema search and rescue specialist. But most of all he was a daddy, husband, son, brother, grandson, cousin, and best friends to so many. He sounds so much like your son. He tried to enjoy life to the fullest. He trained for so many different types of rescues. He wanted to save as many lives as he could. His job was his passion, second only to his faith and family. We all miss him so incredibly much. The pain seems to get worse every day still. As his mother, it feels to me that everybody is doing better with their grief than me. I just cannot control my crying, people tell me I should see a doctor. But I think this isn't abnormal. I spent 40 years dedicating my life to God, my husband and my sons and family. My son is dead. There is a huge hole in my heart. We all deal with grief differently. It has only been two months. I just want my baby back. I know that cannot happen but it's what I want .

Dec 27, 2013
To Travis' Mom
by: Jean Bee

You lost your son on the very day we celebrated my son Jim's 54th.birthday and his wedding anniversary. He died of his cancer in November of this year, 2013. We knew he had a few months to live but God didn't let him suffer that long and took him in a few days.
I accept His holy will as God knows what is best for us all. The Bible says and we MUST believe He did to keep Travis from what he was to suffer had he lived. It hasn't diminished my love for God that I lost 2 sons in 2 years but I lean more heavily on Him knowing He knows what we don't.
Our children are precious to us but God loves them more than we ever will. I pray you will find God again as it is He who we need to comfort us in our sorrow.

Oct 25, 2013
You are not alone
by: Carol, Sean's Mom

My Sean will be gone two years on November 15th. This has been such a painful journey. Sean never leaves my mind. On his birthday this year we held his first fundraiser and we now have a scholarship in his name. We go through so much and along the way people drop from our lives. The pain of that is nothing compare to what we already live with. I don't even recognize my life anymore. Sean was my oldest of three and my only son. Life without him is devastating and sad. I do my best for his two younger sisters but I am now someone totally different. His death destroyed my family. We are trying to rebuild but it is so different. The pain is always there and the yearning for him to come home is constant. People don't understand unless they have been there. Please write to me if you want to talk. I understand your pain.. cotter05@comcast.net.. I hope for peace for all of us going through this. It is a nightmare and it is not fair..

Oct 22, 2013
Update on my life....
by: Travis's Mom

I wanted to say to all the other moms out there I appreciate all of I sharing ur stories w/me and my heart bleeds for each and everyone of u! You all will forever be in my prayers! Well I sure wish I could write and say its getting even a tiny bit better but it just isn't!! I miss my Travis more today than yesterday! I think on some days with time my pain gets worse rather than better. I live each day with Travis is my mind and heart and soul and everyday I see something or I hear of something that I know Travis would dearly love to see it or hear it... Etc... There have been people who have tried to get my mind off Travis and those people are no longer welcomed in to my world!! I'm NOT ready to rid my mind if Travis and that is something that will never ever happen!
I wouid love to hear back from any other moms who may be feeling how I feel.... Atleast I will know I'm not alone!

Sincerely
Travis's mom. Jane

Sep 19, 2013
Grieving Mom
by: Leticia B Hughes

My dearest Travis mom, I know how you feel first hand. Last yr on Sept 14 my wonderful first born died on his way to work. He never made it to his destination . Jimmy was a single father of 5 kids. He adored every single one of his kids. He was so involved in school activities and had and spend his day after work and on weekends with his wonderful children that were all in sports. He worked very hard to be able to give his kids a wonderful live. My son died of a heart attack at 37 yrs shy of being 38 yrs a week that he left us. I am a Christian and have always had faith, but I did feel like you asking WHY LORD did you take him and not me!! The pain is so unbearable. I cried and became so depress and wanted him back so bad. Due to someone taking his wallet and his cell phone was crushed. They were barely able to read a phone number which was his fathers number. I will never forget that pain that stabbed me in my heart and cry out to my baby how I wanted him back and tried to Negotiate with our lord to bring him back and take me. It's a long process, but there is hope. I join a grieving group that helped me so much. I also read my bible . I develop peace within me. I also pray to god to please just let my son come to me in dreams or give me a sign that he's in peace and in heaven with our lord. I begged our lord to embrace him and wait for me to arrive and greet me with all of them. God is so great. It didn't happen right away, but will say it's has. It's happen to me three times. The last one I ask god to show me a sign that he's embracing my son. That nite I had my dream come true. My dream was with my son in the dream being 3yrs old. Jesus was holding cheek to cheek and both were smiling. I cried a little and thanked our lord for bring my wish come true. I would suggest u read: it's called: Jesus calling by Sarah young. I would suggest you read it and get involved in some support group. Since its been a yrs we have been able to move ahead. I will always have that void in my heart and will never forget my dear son or that day of tragedy . I hope I have helped you. I know the pain first hand. All I wanted is to die. I do feel now blessed we are and have to continue to follow are lord. Yes to you answer about helmets. We here in California is a must to wear one. My prayers go out to you as a mother to mother grieving. Once you start your grieving process and get help you get better in time. I am now in the stage that I could do things without bursting into tears. But as I said the void never goes away. It's the time that heal the aching pain. Love you you my dear. Please feel welcome to look me up here on this site. I am always checking and am here to help others. Love to you grieving mom

Aug 02, 2013
Dear Jane,
by: Janet Miller-Santiago

I understand. On August 4, 2012, just before his 32 birthday, I lost my son Christopher in a car accident in Kapaa, Hawaii, were he lived. He was pronounced dead at the scene. I too torture myself with wondering about his last few moments of life. I WANT my boy back, he was my first love. The hardest thing we have ever done is to make funeral arrangement from home, which is Florida.
I am still numb. I so miss his phone calls at 5:00 my time, when he went on his breaks.
So I pray for you and your family that you find some comfort. I did get a sign that I asked God for letting me know that my Christopher was at peace. May God comfort you and give you His Peace, and I hope and pray that you also get a sing from God letting you know that Travis is okay and at Peace.
Thank God for the time you had Travis, and for the joy and sunshine which he brought into your life, starting from the day of his birth.
My love

Jun 15, 2013
I wish you love
by: Joshua's Mum

My heart goes out to you Dear Mom, I lost my 22 yr old son Joshua in 2002 that day plays in my head still. I think of him every day of my life when I go to bed my last thought is of him and when I wake up he is my first thought. I can just say the pain gets softer it never goes away I don't feel like a knife is piercing my heart anymore it just hurts. To everyone else its 11 yrs to me its yesterday. Joshua will always be a part of me he will always be my son .You will also be surprised who goes and who stays in your life your hurt is just to hard for some people.Please be open with your grief find people who will uplift you share your son Travis his life his memories. An old Irish saying A Mother holds her childrens hand for a short while but their hearts forever. I wish you love Dear Mom

Jun 11, 2013
I appreciate everyone's letters of comfort...
by: Travis's Mom

I want to continue to thank everyone for sharing their own stories and I honestly can say it helps to know in not alone although I wish that none of us had to experience such pain and anguish from losing someone so precious and dear to us.
I wish I could say today that I'm feeling a tiny bit better but I can't. In all honesty I feel worse today than I did a day ago or a week ago. This past Sunday marked 2 weeks now that Travis has been gone and I can't believe it's already been that long. I don't want to feel happy of allow myself to laugh or even smile because I feel guilty. I have nothing to look forward to. There shouldn't be any joy in my life when a part of me Is not here to share it with me. I went to my brothers and there were 3 if my sons work shirts there and the sleeves were rolled up. I've brought them home and I hung them up in my closet When I go to get dressed at the start of each day I bury my face in his shirts and I cry so hard. I tell him I love him and how much I miss him. Here lately there have been a few things that have brought such strong memories of Travis to me that I literally can't bare to continue watching of listening to what it was. 1 was a movie he loved and other was a song he wanted me to hear 1 day. Travis had an old soul. He was old fashioned when it came to human values and morals and I admired that about him. He always wished he had been born and lived in a different era. From the days of "lonesome dove" to the crazy 80's. ( which was the era of my highschool days into my 20's) I want to be able to relish in all if my sons memories but its just still to overwhelmingly painful. I hope this is something that WILL for sure change. Anyways I want to do something for him something that will someday make a difference in the world and if that's biting off too much then just a difference in our own community. I know my son wasn't wearing his helmet and there has been speculation that if he has been wearing it he would be with us today. Laws here don't enforce wearing a helmet when on a motorcycle. I would like to know if anyone lives in a state that enforces helmets and also other who live in a state like mine. Thanks again to all of you. Everyone of you are in my prayers every night and day.

My prayers and thoughts to all of you,
Travis's Mom

Jun 11, 2013
To Jane..
by: Laura

Dear Jane,
I am so terribly sorry about the loss of your son Travis. I understand. On June 1, 2013, just a little over one week ago, my only child, my beautiful 24 year old son Michael was hit by a pick-up truck while riding his bike. He was pronounced dead at the scene, so I was told he didn't suffer, but I too, torture myself with wondering if his last few moments were filled with fear. Did he somehow catch a glimpse of the truck before it struck him? I pray that he simply never saw it coming, that he was riding along on his bike as he loved to do, thinking happy thoughts before he went on to the afterlife. I try not to think of the accident as I become hysterical and feel physically ill. I find myself feeling selfish and guilty for feeling sad...thinking this isn't about you Laura, it's about Michael and the life that he lost, and everything he will miss out on here on earth. I just want my boy back, he was the love of my life and he never ended a conversation or phone call without saying "I love you Mama, Peace". I know Michael wants me to find Peace and I pray for you and I both Jane, but I do believe we have a long road ahead of us. Peace, my friend.

Jun 09, 2013
Travis' mom
by: Muriel

I too, am Travis, mom. I lost my Travis November 17, 2007, 14 days after his 21st birthday. I too arrived at the scene of the accident as they were covering his body. The years are passing and the tears lessening but I miss him each day. God keep you cradled in his arms.

Jun 06, 2013
Travis' Mom
by: Wendy Evans

How familiar your feelings are to me and I'm sure many others on this web site. I, too, lost a son in 2009 at the age of 21 (his age). The absolute struggle to understand, know where he was, know that he was okay was overwhelming to me for over a year. Trying to bargin with God was a long process for me and I believe many others experience the same. The power of whatever faith you had before Travis left will ebb and flow. I experienced long periods of time where I had no faith at all. Only anger and pain at God and many people in my life. I do understand now that unless the people surrounding you have lost a child they just don't understand. They frequently say the wrong things and sometimes they just go away, which will probably feel fine to you at the time. The photos of Travis are beautiful in the way they show his vitality, good health and beautiful smile. I have no words to comfort you except you are not alone.

Be well.

Jun 05, 2013
Travis
by: Debi M.

Jane -

I can only somewhat imagine how emotional it was for you to visit the accident site. The questions, feelings you are having are only natural for a mom. I pray that each day, if only for a minute, that you feel some comfort. Please continue to write and let everyone know how you are doing. People here really do care.

Debi M.
Argyle, Texas

Jun 05, 2013
So Very Sorry
by: Betsy

I am so very sorry for your loss. I too, lost my son in a tragic motorcycle accident 3 years ago. So many of the things you are expressing are normal. Please know that you are not alone. It took me at least two years before I felt I could begin moving forward again. Be patient with yourself. I started a blog just last week which chronicles my journey. I certainly never thought I would be doing that. You are not alone!

Betsy
Grieving the Loss, Sunshine After the Storm

Jun 04, 2013
Sudden Death is Brutal
by: Carol, Seans Mom

I understand and know your pain. I lost my 24 year old son Sean November 15,2011. He went to sleep and never got up. A blood clot developed and burst the right side of his heart. How the hell does that happen to a 24 year old with his whole life ahead of him. Sean was my oldest of three and my only son. I called him my Hansome Young Man. He had beautiful blue sparkling eyes and such a serious smile. My life was destroyed that day. I don't know how I have gone on. My girls need their mom. My heart is broken everyday and I have never been so sick as this past year. Take care of you and reach out to others who know your pain. Your life has forever changed. It is a road I never imagined and I still stumble through every day over 18 months later.. God Bless..

Jun 03, 2013
White cross
by: Travis's mom

We went out yesterday and put up the cross for Travis. As we walked along the highway we started finding pieces of his Harley and leather off his saddle bags we even found 1 of the lenses out of his sunglasses. I Almost wish I hadn't of even gone there but I felt I needed to show my love and devotion to Travis by being there when we placed the cross in the ground. The police officer who had been first to Arrive at scene of accident pulled up and got out of his car, walked over to me hugged me and said " how are u doing mama?" I remembered his face so clearly because when I drove up on accident and instinctively felt it was my son laying on that highway approx 50 yards from me I screamed and cried out was that person Travis greenwood? I heard those horrible words "yes ma'am it is" and they came from that police officer I continued to run over to my son and when I reached him I too knew he was gone from what l saw. It wasn't what some might think it was meaning it wasn't a messy scene like most bike accidents are but the injury was ever present and I want to make it go away so bad. My despair lays with this thought. I am incapable of knowing my son felt a mere second of the fear and pain of knowing he was about to die and even tho it was an impact immediate death I am still with the thought that he had that 1 second to know what was about to happen and In my heart we as mothers/parents are supposed to protect our children no matter what age they are it's just how I feel and I couldn't protect him or take this from him and I would've done it in a heart beat. I am sure others share this same thought with me and I just can't get my head around this at all.
I cry everyday and I actually feel my broken heart getting worse than better. I know we must grieve and I am certainly doing that I just want to understand more and make sense of this.
Thank you to everyone who's replied to me it does bring some comfort.

Travis's Mom,
Jane


Jun 03, 2013
Your son
by: Kate

My heart goes out too you in the senseless loss of your son. 6 months ago I lost my son and and I understand your journey of many emotions.my heart is with you.

Jun 03, 2013
your son
by: Kate

I understand your pain and sorrow.I lost my dear son 6 months ago and dont know how I have made it thus far. I cling to God for help. Anger is a part of grief. I was angry too. It is so hard to aaccept a loss like this,that rips us to the depths of our soul.
I am still not ok but I have somehow survived. My life has forever changed. This grief share has helped because I find others who know my deep sorrow and we mourn together and care for one another in the losses we have. It will be very very difficult but somehow you will go on. Find those who know what you are going through and will listen.We listen and care here.

Jun 01, 2013
Reply from Travis's Mother
by: Jane greenwood

Thank you for all of your letters and your words to help me thru such a difficult time. We are going out to accident sight to put up a big white wooden cross with his name on it and others wanted a can of Copenhagen attached to cross along with a miniature Harley Davidson , a miniature horse that looks like his horse. Pray for me that I will have the strength to do this in the wonderful beautiful memory of my son, Travis Greenwood
Sincerely
Jane Greenwood

Jun 01, 2013
Travis, my love, my son, my life
by: Doreen U.K.

Jane I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved son Travis at such a young age. To find your son the way you did will have left you with a sudden shock. This is how I felt the day I heard the words to my husband. "You have a rare and serious form of cancer that is incurable, inoperable, and aggressive. We want to start Chemo immediately." All I heard is "You are going to die." That was the worst day of my life. My beloved husband sat very quiet. He died 13 months ago. Today a Saturday is the day he died. I hate Saturday's now. I am a Christian and so I sent emails all over the world for healing for my husband. I read so many books on miracles of healing and I prayed and I prayed like mad. I was not ready to let my husband go. I didn't say good-bye because this would have showed a lack of faith. I decided I was going to believe for my miracle. I sat by his bedside waiting for the time he would wake up and we could start living again. But this didn't happen. I saw him draw his last breath and I have struggled for 9 months with denial and anger against God for denying me my miracle of giving my husband his life back. I didn't want to be angry with God. BUT I WAS. My Faith has been restored and I look forward to seeing my husband again as God promised. God says "I go to prepare a place for you, and I will come back again so you can be with me also." I claim that Promise. I live by it and I hold onto it. This is my HOPE. I could not survive without this HOPE of ETERNAL LIFE to come.
It has only been 5 days for you to lose Travis and you have to accept the stage of grief you are at just now. It is too early for you to feel any different. Don't worry about your anger with God. Give Him your anger. He knows all about it and he expects it. The grief after the death is the worst feeling ever. You wonder how you can bear the pain and get past it. It is only one day at a time that we are able to deal with. This is all God gives us. One day at a time. I live in England but listen to JOHN MCARTHUR. He is talking at the moment on HEAVEN and what it will be like. I find it comforting. I am waiting for this moment. To be re-united with my husband again. No more DEATH, TEARS, SORROW, GRIEF, PAIN.
We will have ETERNAL life with our loved one's who have gone on before us.
Not everything happens for the best. It should be viewed in the proper context. I don't think it is appropriate for Death. I don't know who made this statement. Other people have used it to me. That my husband died for a reason. it was his time to go? says WHO? HOW DO THEY KNOW? How would these people like to hear this said to them if e.g. the person close to them died, had an accident, left them for someone else. Is this for the best? I don't think so. Ignore such statements they have no substance or credibility.
May God comfort you in your Grief and sorrow and give you His Peace. You will in time get your Faith restored. DON'T GIVE UP HOPE!!!!

Jun 01, 2013
yes I am
by: Vicky

Hi Travis mum,
Our son was also killed on his motor bike, today is 80 weeks since it happened, it does get easier to bare the pain but it doesn't go away. You will need about 6 months before you start to come out of the black whole you are in at the moment. My son Brendon was on his way home only 3 minutes away when a man failed to give way to him and hit him, he lived for 7 days then died, we donated his organs and he saved 5 mens lives for christmas, it does not take any of the pain away but that was what Brendon had told me to do about 3 months before.Not one day has gone by that I have not cried for him, he was my son how can you forget them, you would not want to, your life will be very different from now on it will teach you compassion that you didn't have before and you may loose friends like I did, but you will also learn who are your true friends. I hope you can see your way through this unbearable pain and I will be thinking of you as another mother without her son.

Jun 01, 2013
Sry for your loss
by: Rebekah Arnold

I lost my identical twin sister a year ago this past November. The pain, being angry are part of the grieving process. I am still angry at God for taking her,I have days I cry all the time ,and I have days I actually forget. The grieving process is a long hard road . I know how you are feeling. You will go on and have a life , it will be easier to face the days as time goes on but the pain does not go away and always rears its ugly head. Keep family and friends close . TAlk about your son, I have a memorial where she had her accident and when going to Indiana my niece and I vist it and place flowers or so
Something she would have liked. Grief takes time and not one person grieves the same. Once again sooty for your loss

May 31, 2013
Travis
by: Debi M.

Jane -

My heart just breaks for you on the loss of your son Travis. I hope that you get the sign from God that you asked for in letting you know that Travis is ok and at peace. Know that healing words will be coming your way as people write and share heartfelt emotions.

I wish you comfort and peace friend.

Debi M.
Argyle, Texas

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