Trenton 10/19/97-2/25/08 my beautiful boy is now an angel.
by Kim R
When I found out I was pregnant with twins I was shocked, sad and cried for days. I was 20 and had took precautions and still got pregnant. To say my pregnancy was difficult would be a vast understatement..I was sick the entire time, not just in the morning any time of day was fair game. I was also in out of the hospital multiple times, until I was finally hospitalized until the babies were born. The day after I was admitted I was informed that twin A would not make it, I was a complete shock, the other hospitals never mentioned a problem... he passed 2 weeks later, and one week later I gave birth to my stillborn son and my beautiful Trenton. He weighed 3 lbs 7 oz, and I found out what true love was really about once I laid eyes on him. He was born 2 1/2 months premature and seemed well, he only had to stay a month before he came home..the night before he was discharged we were called into a neurologist office to be informed that my son had problems and rattled off some absurdly long term..which I later found out was cerebral palsy. My son could never walk, talk, feed himself or any of the basics that most children can do, I was his lifeline. For all the problems he had you would never know he was in pain or hurting, he always had a big smile, the cutest giggle and was such a happy boy. We had such a strong connection and bond, even though he couldn't verbalize I could just understand him, I could walk into a room and not make a sound and he would start looking for me ...just could sense me there. In late 2007 I found out I was pregnant with another son on 2-28-08 I went into the hospital to have my son, he was perfect, healthy, and I was so thrilled, Trenton would have a child around. Little did I know that with in less than 9 hrs my happiness would be gone only to be replaced with fear, pain and hurt. My mom called and said Trenton had quit breathing, my world fell apart, I remember hearing those words and screaming and trying to rip out IVs so I could get to him, but the Dr refused to release me, so until the 27th I just was getting second hand info. They had to take him to another hospital other than one I was at over a hundred miles away. The day I was released I showered and left my newborn son with a trusted friend, only to face the hardest challenge I hope that I will ever face. Within 5 min of arriving the Dr informed me of the prognosis and told me I had to make the decision to take him off or leave him on life support...hardest thing I ever had to do...2-28-08 I sat and held my boy, sang to him and let him know that it was OK to let go...his fight was over...it seemed like such a long time, in reality it took 4 min before he passed. The minute his heart stopped, I felt a chill and my heart literally break...without even glancing at monitors I knew my beautiful boy was gone..I didn't know it was humanly possible to feel that kind of pain...I wouldnt wish it on anyone. It has almost been 6 yrs and I still haven't gotten myself back on track...I don't know how to accept it, I miss him everyday and his brother knows all about him he talks about him a lot. I miss you my beautiful angel and I hope I get to see you again one day, and I love you more than words can say.