Truly heartbroken

by Deb
(NY)

After 7 1/2 years of my relationship, it has finally ended. Last night he finally gave me confirmation that it was over. He wants to remain friends, but I can't. We never lived together, so you would think the pain would be easier. It is not. To top it off, we work together. He sits two desks away from me. He is dating someone from our adjoining unit. She is in the next room over and I can see the two of them from where I sit.

I've suspected for a couple of months now that something was going on....but he denied. He still denies it. I've had this blaring in my face, but just so wanted to believe him, that I stood a chance with him. She is married and just recently I found out she is divorcing her husband, whom I believe she left this past weekend. Now that she is apparently totally free in the hours after work, he tells me he can't put in the work to make it work with me.

Let me back up a little. We had broken up after about 5 years. At this same time, he went for a promotion that landed him my unit. At the same time of the breakup, he moved into an apartment 1 mile from my home. He previously lived a good 45 minutes away. He threatened me that I should not object to the promotion because of our relationship, and how unprofessional this would be. So I went along with it and said I was okay with the situation.
I was basically getting over him, but was a little hostile towards him at work. I can't really remember the exact time frame, but may have been over a year ago around Christmas, he told me he wanted to work things out between us. I hesistantly came around... with caution. It really wasn't good because I just felt like he would probably break up again, once he found someone else. But nonetheless I tried to make it work.

Last Fall he seemed to be straying. I let him know an old boyfriend had contacted me via facebook and if he didn't want me anymore, I was considering seeing this person. I also felt I should be totally honest with him.
He continued to string me along. He started putting me off at lunch. I started to find him talking to her and giggling and smiling. I confronted him. He said she was married and they were just having friendly smoking breaks together. Note she is a new employee, so I really didn't know her situation.

I don't smoke, so of course I wasn't breaking with him. In fact at one point he told me, he wished I still smoked and indicated he wouldn't be breaking with her and the girls, if I did. I did not take up smoking again. Although he was putting me off at lunch, he expected to dine with me in the evening. Now in retrospect I understand she was not available afterhours. I asked him on several occasions, just to set me free, so I could just get over it. He would not let me go. He would continue to call me day and night. Just recently he wouldn't invite me into his apartment. He would only come to my house to eat or go out to eat, but promptly end it after we ate. Then he would drop me off with a kiss and would go home and continue to call me, unless one his favorite shows was on.

Anyway, I'm sorry I went on so with the details, but it has helped. I love my job and don't want to be moved, but I don't want to have to look at the two of them anymore. I just don't want to hurt anymore.

I have two daughters, and feel awful that they are seeing me go through this again. I wish it was a year later and it was all over. Trying to stay strong and not take his phone calls, which I thought I mastered. Last Friday, when my supervisor finally came to me and told me his affair was factual, as this woman's husband registered a complaint against him, I was floored. Even though I had suspected, I was in denial myself, and felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.

I went home and had Verizon block his numbers. He got his "sister's" phone and started calling again. I took the phone calls, and finally agreed to meet with him last night to talk. I guess I probably needed to hear him say it himself....that it was over. He still denies the relationship with her and somewhat sees himself as a hero. He helped to get out of an abusive relationship......I need to separate myself from all of this. Please help.

Comments for Truly heartbroken

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Feb 25, 2010
Thank You
by: Deb

Thank You Anonymous. Your words have been comforting.

Feb 24, 2010
Truly heartbroken
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for all you have gone through. This guy seems to want to see you and at the same time see another.

It is my opinion that you are too valuable for a person who is not open and honest with you. While it sounds like you want to be true, this guy is hurting you. It is time to make a decision to let go of the relationship or suffer more. It would be one thing if both of you saw different people and it was alright with both of you. The fact that he denies everything tells me he is not being honest.

Although it hurts, you may need to really take stock of the situation and make up your mind if you want to make a clean start without him or keep going through these things. This is something to think about.

God bless you.
I would pray about it too. I know you care a lot for him but believe me, time will help you heal. It is better to extricate yourself now and just let time heal you.

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