Trying hard tomlive each day!
My husband of 26+ years asked me for a divorce in January. I am totally blindsided. He insist he has been telling me things were bad for years, and I knew this was coming. This is so not true! I noticed the change in him in November after he got physical with me and I left for two days and stayed at my sons home. We have 2 wonderful children in their 20's. I found out he had cheated on me ...after he asked for the divorce (so he says), and have recently discovered he was (not sure if he still is) taking steroids. He works out at a gym daily. It has gone from what I thought and believed was a decent, good marriage (no marriage is perfect) to absolutely horrible treatment from him. A thou he is now telling me I have been horrible for 26 years, he has never been in love with me and I am the nastiest person ever! On top of all this our family has been destroyed.
I am a mess! I have never cried so hard and felt such physical, mental and emotional pain. Many people are telling thepain is worse than a death of a spouse (even people who had loving marriages and are widowed). I would never want to compare my pain to that of someone who lost a spouse to death.
I want to feel relief somehow but the grief is so overwhelming. How can the pain be so devastating to one and not the other?
Everyone has been supportive but I am so upset over this that I can't imagine feeling more pain if my spouse had died. Is that wrong to feel that way?
I want to help my children deal with this but they are having mixed feelings. I think it would have been maybe easier on them had they been younger and not secure in our family situation.
They say that for women over 40, which I proudly am, who divorce, it takes at least 1 year for every 5 years of marriage to deal with this and move on. It will take me approx. 5 years after divorce to get over it. I know I never will and no amount of time will take away the pain and loss.