trying to forget

by sad
(alpena michigan)

i am still very heartbroken. the man i loved wholeheartedly and was married to for 8 years is gone now for 9 months. our marriage was a sham (not for me) and he pretended to be one person but really was someone i did not know. He pretended to love me, not very well, either. I miss his companionship, he moved to another city, i still live the same life- go to the same stores- same house- same job. I really miss him.

I know i should move forward- try to but the memories are still there. he was bad to me and did a lot of wrong things but it does not change my heart. It makes me so scared to even look at other men. my heart was broken mercilessly into pieces. Why did he lie? why couldn't he love me? I did nothing wrong! and now i am alone and afraid. am i doomed to a life alone?

i know what i am, a successful, beautiful, loving woman with a list of attributes too many to say. why cant i find my equal? i will never go backward and fall for another man who says he is a Christian without really knowing his fruits first.