Trying to Grow

I lost my Dad when I was 13 to cancer; he was only 44. I have two brothers, one is a year older and one is eight years younger. We have all done our best to protect our mom and be there for her, making sure there were never weekends where she was all alone, etc. My older brother and I are finishing up college now and we have made sure our family has stayed close and connected with lots of phone calls and visits throughout these years. I think one negative that has resulted from us trying so hard to be there for our mom is that we didn't heal completely because we wanted to be strong.
I am so fortunate to have a boyfriend that adores me and my family. The past four years with him has only brought my family closer together; he is a real blessing and I believe he was a gift from my father. We are planning on getting married in about a year. I know this is another natural milestone in life, but I feel guilty as I grow older because I don't want my mom to think she is being left behind as my brothers and I move forward. She has never said or done anything to make us feel guilty or that we need to stay by her side, it is just what we have done and what has felt right. I know my mom is so happy for me and my boyfriend and all that the future holds; I just feel so bad because her selflessness has never failed. I don't think she would ever want to get married again, but thinking about her growing older and being alone breaks me.

Are there any parents out there who have a child that has gone through the same thing and would be willing to share?

Comments for Trying to Grow

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Jun 20, 2011
Same here
by: Dawn

I lost my dad about 3.5 months ago. He was died of sudden stroke n no sign before. We were totally shocked n nothing can express our sadness. I shared the same feeling w you. We tried to protect my almost every second. Whenever I think about that she has to live on her own for the rest of her life, I feel so sad. She is 53 n we are chinese, not easy for her to meet another partner in life again. I am married n one of my brother is going to get married. We have discussed mum's future too. We need to find a new goal for her as for her all kids are grown up n it supposed she can enjoy the life w our dad. We don't have the answer yet. It's her life n she is the only one to decide where to go. What can we do is stand beside her n support whatever steps she wants to move on. She started attending some interest w her friends. Having tea or lunch w her sis on weekday. Talk to your mum n let her to share what she is thinking but don't push. Also, I am planning to have a baby so I share this thoughts w my mum n it seems lighten her up. I don't have advice for you. I hope you guys can figure it out . Dawn

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