Trying to move on..
My dad died on 25th July 2009 of bowel cancer, just aged 46. he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in 2007, seeing my dad suffer everyday and not being able to do anything about it hurt me. i still blame myself for not helping him as much as i could have. i never really knew what the quote'you dont know what you have till its gone'meant and ive had to learn the hard way. 4 years on, not a day goes by where i dont think of him. my dads death has changed me in so many ways, i see life in a different perspective, as much as i try to make the most of life, something keeps holding me back. i cant seem to enjoy life knowing what my dad went through. i never talk about my dad to anyone im so queit about the whole situation and i think how long can i keep it all in? i try and put on a brave face and its wearing off now, my dads death made me question many things, life as a whole, my faith, i lost all faith and really questionned my purpose. there are so many things my dad was supposed to be there for and he couldnt, the fact that my dad died a day after i left primary school hurts me. ive had to live with this burden all these years and i want to move on for good. i hope my dad is okay and pain-free wherever he is, i love and miss you dad xxx