Trying to say my Goodbyes

by Katy
(Oklahoma)

I am fairly young. I grew up really young for the reason I always took care of people. I had 3 people that were really close to me die within a year and a half. It all started when my grandmother went in to have back surgery, and ended up having problems in the room. Her kidneys shut down, after that she was on dialysis. So for over a year I took her to church and helped pick her up from her treatments, they were 3 days a week for about 4 to 5 hours each time. I was still in high school and worked a part time job, and my mother wasn't doing well in her health either, that is why she couldn't help much.

I was very close to my grandmother, she is the one that I always talked to about God and whatever we could think of. Well, during my senior year in high school, right before Christmas, she decided to stop dialysis, which meant she would die and she knew it. Christmas eve she gave her good byes to everyone. The day before new years eve she passed.
Then my mom got much worse, she had pulmonary fibrosis, diabetes, heart failure, and much more. She had been in the hospital about 5 times in one year. She had one stoke that put her down too hard, that is when I quit my job to help my father care for her. She had to have 24 hour care. For a while she was put into a nursing home for rehab on her arms and legs from the stroke.

The 1st nursing home was awful, and it took a long time to find a place that would take a 51 year old woman, because they thought that was too young. On the bad nursing home we were not able to press charges for the reason that she wasn't a senior citizen--- talk about crap.

The fourth of July we were able to bring her home-- the way she prefered it. My father watched her as I went to college classes and I watched her when he went to work. This was my first year in college, so it was making it harder. We had to do everything just about for her. Then I noticed that she wasn't doing very well in October, and the doctor said that it was renal failure---just as I had thought--- and that she would have about a week to live.

During the whole time that I helped take care of her I got about 3-4 hours of sleep at a time-- so my sleep was very spaced out. We got our family here to say their good byes, but she was already out of it. I went to sleep October 30 and in the middle of the next early mourning, 3 am I think, my Dad woke up in a scream, and at that point I knew what happened. It took me a few seconds to decide if I could move, I was scared to death. Then he came to my room to tell me what happened and I told him I knew. I went back there and she looked peaceful, but that just doesn't seem to help. She suffered her whole life with health problems and now she is able to not suffer.

Then January came along and my other grandmother got sick and had kidney failure and passed also. This time I was not there to help out. In the short amount of time a huge part of my life was gone from me. I have people around me that don't understand why it is taking me this much time to deal with it... I still think that they don't understand and I pray that they will never have to understand the feelings that I have had. I pray that people never can fully sympathize.

I am learning day by day to live without them. My mother knew EVERYTHING and I told her everything about what was going on... she wasn't just a mom she was a friend. May they be happy in heaven and one day I will be there and see them again, when it is my time.

Comments for Trying to say my Goodbyes

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May 22, 2009
Goodbyes are hard
by: Sue

What a lot to endure in a short piece of time. My prayers are with you. I am only dealing with one grief and find it unbearable at times. You lost the majority of your support system. I feel you did not have time to grieve one before another person died, that may be what you are feeling.

Grief is a process as you know, and each death started back at the beginning. I am sure you know this but sometimes hearing it from someone else helps it make sense. I have a support system that is helping me through the death of my son. Even from that, at the beginning there was lots of support and as the days passed there was lots of people who said call me if you need something. Even that can take energy.

I too am a college student. A nontraditional student, I live in my own home and have a family to take care of. Maybe you need to grieve these one at a time instead of all together. They took a year to happen the total will be greater than the sum, if that makes any sense to you. The same God that you and your grandma talked about is there for you now.

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