Turning Grief to Gratitude in the loss of my mother
by Kim Bass
Within a nine month period, I lost both my mother and my grandmother, and one of the hardest things for me to deal with in these losses is the feeling that there is no one to validate my past.
For me, one of the most valuable contributions that my mother made to my adult life was keeping me grounded in the events of my past. It is difficult to know where you are going if you don’t know where you have been. In the past, if I ever had a question about when something in my life happened I would call my mother and she and my grandmother could always tell me the when, where and how of the event. They were like the investigative reporters of my life. So the fact that I am unable to call either of them now to relive my past causes an intense pain that only a person who has lost a parent can understand.
Seeing my pain, my husband suggested that I honor my mother’s life and our past together by writing a book about her. At first, I wasn’t really able to do it; but, with his continued “reminders” I sat down one day and started. It was a bit painful at the beginning of the process; but, as I just allowed myself to sit there and just remember and type, it became very therapeutic for me. Instead of focusing on what I had lost, I was able to focus on the infinite wisdom and love my mother gave to me.