Twelve weeks

by Lea
(Ottawa,Canada)

Hi everyone...
I was googling for a bereavement group in my area to go to when I came upon this site and started to read your stories... they are all, somewhat, a reflection of mine....loss of a soulmate after 23 years together...the never ending waves of grief, the overwhelming icy grip to the heart that drops you to your knees with sorrow...the not knowing whether you will make it through the day without a breakdown at some point...and on and on and on...
It has been a little over 12 weeks for me that I lost the love of my life...and I have now noticed that family and friends have started moving on where as I am still floundering in the undertow...
I read something today that went something like this" After the funeral and everyone has gone home, where do you go? It was like there was a big reception and everybody came but I was left with the mess - I was left with me -" Benjamin Allen

I am envious of them...

Comments for Twelve weeks

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Jun 24, 2014
Deepest sympathy
by: Lawrence

Hi Lea,
You said it all
.”.The never ending waves of grief, the overwhelming icy grip to the heart that drops you to your knees with sorrow...the not knowing whether you will make it through the day without a breakdown at some point...and on and on and on”.
Everybody on this web site understands so well your words, as we have all been through it, and its hell on earth.
I lost a very precious wife eighteen months ago after being together for nearly seventy years and I am still wracked with pain and grief and the deep longing to hold her just one more time.
Going up the stairs to an empty bedroom is still a nightmare, and waking in the morning and stretching out my hand only to feel an empty space when for so long she was there still makes me cry.
The only consolation I can offer is that never ever again will you feel as bad as you do now, which I must admit is no consolation at all.
You have lost the love of your life after a wonderful twenty three years of love and passion; there are no words in any language to ease your agony.
It is such early days for you, twelve weeks is nothing in this grieving process and I know I have no need to tell you to cry and cry until your body tells you, enough.
How long that will be I have no idea, although my tears don’t fall easily now, I still shed a tear, especially when I play my guitar or organ and sing her favorite songs..
I just hope she can hear me.
You have joined a web site of fellow sufferers, read all our stories and I hope they help you as much as they did me when truthfully all I wanted to do was join her..
With deepest sympathy
Lawrence.


Jun 23, 2014
Twelve weeks
by: Doreen UK

Lea I am sorry for your loss of your soulmate of 23yrs. You expressed well what we all went through in those initial days of loss. 3 months is still too early to feel you are moving forward.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 2 yrs. ago. For the first 6 months I took to the couch and could do nothing but bathe my sorrows with TV. I then started to get my strength back and able to take on each day ONE DAY AT A TIME. This is the only way to cope. It will take a long time for all of us to move on. Don't focus on this. Let each stage of grief run its course. I slowly nurtured myself back into life. You will have good days and bad days. None of us knew what grief felt like and how bad the pain was. Not everyone around us will feel the depth of pain we go through. They can distance themselves from it as they don't have the same connection and bonding we had with our loved one. this is how they can move on with their own lives. You will find that even close family will move on with their lives and we will be left all alone with out grief. You said it well. "Where do we go now?" "How do we go on?" This is the hard part. Finding our way back. Restructuring our lives again. Putting new people and events into our life to make life meaningful and functional. I am at this point also. Something died inside me when I lost my husband. Unless this deadness inside somehow springs back, I won't be able to move forward much. This grief happened to us. We did nothing. Only God can resurrect those dead feelings and bring us back to life. I wait and I hope. May God draw close to you, and all of us and comfort us with His Peace and Hope.

Jun 21, 2014
Twelve Weeks
by: Lizzie -Australia

So sorry for your loss. I too felt exactly like you at 12 weeks. I felt abandoned and alone, and that everyone had moved on. I was so wrong about that. I was in so much despair that I decided to totally open up to everyone and told them exactly how I was feeling. Surprisingly, they were feeling the same as me, and were also holding their sorrow and feelings inside, keeping the stiff upper lip. It was around 12 weeks also that I fell into a black hole and had to drag myself to my doctor. He prescribed a very low dose anti depressant. It does not mask my grief, just takes the edge off the crippling anxiety and depression so that I can cope with the day to day basic living. It is now 30 weeks today that Pete left suddenly. He was only 54, too young. I am strarting to have some "good" days occasionally, whereas a month ago they were only "ok" days. I still have some gut-wrenching bad days, think I always will. I have kept a daily journal so I can look back and see how far I have come. It is slow progress. Maybe this is as good it gets. I truly feel for you and everyone here. Nothing prepares us for the horrid utter despair of losing our soulmates. Hugs to you. xxx

Jun 21, 2014
Deepest sympathy
by: Lawrence

Hi Lea,
You said it all
.”.The never ending waves of grief, the overwhelming icy grip to the heart that drops you to your knees with sorrow...the not knowing whether you will make it through the day without a breakdown at some point...and on and on and on”.
Everybody on this web site understands so well your words, as we have all been through it, and its hell on earth.
I lost a very precious wife eighteen months ago after being together for nearly seventy years and I am still wracked with pain and grief and the deep longing to hold her just one more time.
Going up the stairs to an empty bedroom is still a nightmare, and waking in the morning and stretching out my hand only to feel an empty space when for so long she was there still makes me cry.
The only consolation I can offer is that never ever again will you feel as bad as you do now, which I must admit is no consolation at all.
You have lost the love of your life after a wonderful twenty three years of love and passion; there are no words in any language to ease your agony.
It is such early days for you, twelve weeks is nothing in this grieving process and I know I have no need to tell you to cry and cry until your body tells you, enough.
How long that will be I have no idea, although my tears don’t fall easily now, I still shed a tear, especially when I play my guitar or organ and sing her favorite songs..
I just hope she can hear me.
You have joined a web site of fellow sufferers, read all our stories and I hope they help you as much as they did me when truthfully all I wanted to do was join her..
With deepest sympathy
Lawrence.

Jun 21, 2014
Grief
by: Anonymous

I to have lost the love of my life and like you say life has to go on for other people very sad to cry all the time but not for people to see can't cope some days feel I have to go from my house to feel any calm can't look at his picture just makes me cry 54years we had together wonderful memories hang on to them that's all one can do

Jun 21, 2014
Twelve Weeks
by: Judith in California

Lea, I'm sorry for your loss. 12 weeks is is about the norm for others to move on. While they feel bad for your loss it's not their loss. They get back to the norm of their lives while you are left facing a new normal. You are left with you to sort out now who and what you are or will be from now on because life on the outside of your marriage has changed a lot in those 23 years you were married. But first you must grieve for however long it takes. There is no set time for how long you will . It's been 3 yrs, 9 months for me and just last week I greived as if it were yesterday that I lost him. Grief is a horrible roller coaster ride of emotions. You will not go through it in any particular order. I pray you will find strentgh to see you through to the other side to peace and acceptance.

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