Twice in a Lifetime
Today I said goodbye to my only daughter. I lost my 5 month old son 29 years ago this last Sept. I never thought I would go through this kind of pain again in my lifetime. She died in her sleep. My grandson called at 6 am, grandma, you have to get here now, mom's not breathing. I made sure my son-in-law had not yet left for work and that they had called 911. I never even got out of my pj's, just threw on by boots and coat and ran out the door. The ambulance passed me on the way there. It wasn't long before they said there was nothing they could do. It felt like someone kicked me in the gut. Having to return home .to tell my husband and youngest son (20 and still at home) was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. We then had to go tell my 37 and 35 year old sons and their families as well as my parents and the rest of our families.
She left the love of her life as well as my 19 year old granddaughter and 3 grandsons, 17, 6 & 4. We had Christmas 3 days later. It was bittersweet, all the gifts she had gotten for each of her children before she left us, not knowing what to do with the gifts we had gotten for her.
We spent Monday putting together picture memorials for the visitation yesterday and the funeral today. We are all emotionally drained and know that the pain will never go away, just ease with time.
My granddaughter has been amazing. She's just stepped in and taken over the care of her younger brothers. I'm trying to make sure she takes care of herself also, let her know she needs to take time to grieve. She helped all the little ones write letter to their mother to place in her coffin as well as write one herself.
I've read a few of the stories here and it helps to know that others are living with the pain. Right now it's difficult, but after the rawness has lessened, I'll read more.
We have a large family and lots of friends for support but I want to get my granddaughter and my grandsons a couple books on grief to help them through this. If anyone has suggestions on books for 17-19 year olds as well as the 4 & 6 years olds, it would so much be appreciated. May we all someday find peace......