Twice in a Lifetime

Today I said goodbye to my only daughter. I lost my 5 month old son 29 years ago this last Sept. I never thought I would go through this kind of pain again in my lifetime. She died in her sleep. My grandson called at 6 am, grandma, you have to get here now, mom's not breathing. I made sure my son-in-law had not yet left for work and that they had called 911. I never even got out of my pj's, just threw on by boots and coat and ran out the door. The ambulance passed me on the way there. It wasn't long before they said there was nothing they could do. It felt like someone kicked me in the gut. Having to return home .to tell my husband and youngest son (20 and still at home) was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. We then had to go tell my 37 and 35 year old sons and their families as well as my parents and the rest of our families.
She left the love of her life as well as my 19 year old granddaughter and 3 grandsons, 17, 6 & 4. We had Christmas 3 days later. It was bittersweet, all the gifts she had gotten for each of her children before she left us, not knowing what to do with the gifts we had gotten for her.
We spent Monday putting together picture memorials for the visitation yesterday and the funeral today. We are all emotionally drained and know that the pain will never go away, just ease with time.
My granddaughter has been amazing. She's just stepped in and taken over the care of her younger brothers. I'm trying to make sure she takes care of herself also, let her know she needs to take time to grieve. She helped all the little ones write letter to their mother to place in her coffin as well as write one herself.
I've read a few of the stories here and it helps to know that others are living with the pain. Right now it's difficult, but after the rawness has lessened, I'll read more.
We have a large family and lots of friends for support but I want to get my granddaughter and my grandsons a couple books on grief to help them through this. If anyone has suggestions on books for 17-19 year olds as well as the 4 & 6 years olds, it would so much be appreciated. May we all someday find peace......

Comments for Twice in a Lifetime

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Jan 04, 2012
by: Anonymous

Accept my heartfelt sympathy. It is sad and devastating when this happens to us but we have a
hope of reunion. So, console yourself with this and your grandchildren. They need you more now.
The Lord will strengthen you and uphold you.
We share your pain and sorrow.

Dec 29, 2011
by: Anonymous

I went to Barnes and Noble today and picked up that exact book for the little guys. I also got In the Arms Angels by Joan Wester Anderson for my eldest granddaughter and grandson, an awesome, uplifting book. Just one in a series. I've just spent all afternoon reading them both. Did a lot of "tear therapy". One weird thing happened though. I stopped at the food court in the mall for lunch and decided to glance through the Angel book. My eldest grandson's name is Gage and the first story in the book was entitled "Gage's Girls" Not a common name. I gasped and got a few funny looks from people. Oh well, I believe these are all little signs from above.
It's my daughters birthday tomorrow so we're going to get together with my son-in-law and the grandkids, cook dinner, put some candles in a cake and blow them out for her.
It's so comforting to be able to come here to share. Thank you all so much.

Dec 29, 2011
love and healing
by: kay

Firstly ,I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter,your grief is still very raw,you have so many lovely family members who will also all share the pain of losing your daughter.For you the parent it is a heart wrenching loss.My heart aches for you...I am sending you much love and healing.I lost my wonderful son last year,he was 23.I feel your pain.Please take care of kay xxx

Dec 29, 2011
I know your pain
by: Anonymous

I lost my 29 year old son this year. I was given a book called "Tear Soup", it looks like a childrens book but it is really for all ages. I pick it up every so often and read it. I think you will find it is a great book. So sorry for your loss. I am devastated every minute of every day since my son, my best friend, my baby had to leave us. Hang in, that is all you can do.

Dec 29, 2011
Thank You
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your comments and support. I'm so sorry about your husband and brother. It is an awful time of year to lose a loved one. The holidays will never be the same. We're just clinging together as a family and getting through it. I've asked all her friends to write or post their memories of her, the good, the bad and the naughty :) so we can put together a scrap book for the little ones to remember their mother in the future. There is one thing I have learned, I will never tell anyone after the funeral that the hard part is over. I know they mean well, but now comes the hard part, learning to live without her. I did awaken at 3:30 am the other night, I looked at the ceiling in my bedroom and saw a pair of angel wings outlined in a pail gray light. It only lasted a moment, but it gave me a shiver and then such a peaceful feeling. It may have been a dream or headlights shining through the window, but my daughter loved angels so I know it was a sign from her that all would be okay.
Thank you again and may we all find peace in the new year.

Dec 29, 2011
So so sorry
by: Valerie

Parents should not have to bury their children. I am so very sorry for you and your family. Her children are young and you will have to love all of them since she is not here to do it. Grief takes time. It's a slow process. Take care of yourself as well. Many others need your love. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Dec 29, 2011
Don't Bury the Pain.....
by: Anonymous

My heart goes out to you for your loss. It's especially hard at Christmas. I lost my wonderful husband one year ago and my brother passed away on December 23rd, many years ago. When other people are rejoicing and in awe of the beautiful Christmas decorations I am having a double edged knife driven through my heart. The holidays bring back those bad memories. I have had to learn to live with it.
You are so in the early stages of grief. You just have to deal with your loss one day at a time. Everyone on this site is grieving.
I remember the Christmas after my brother died. He shopped himself for gifts for my nephew. I was choking back the tears as I watched him open his presents on Christmas morning. He was only 4 years old. I can still be reduced to tears if I let myself be.
God bless you and your entire family. The next year will be challenging but with God's help you will make it through.
Don't try to bury your feelings. Although it hurts (and you've been through the pain before so you know) you have to let the feelings come. Be strong for your daughter. She will always be with you.

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