Twice? Seriously?

I was married for 27 years when my husband was murdered. My family was destroyed in a moment. I was destroyed in a moment...It took a while to get it together, but I finally re-joined the land of the living...

Then I saw an old friend and we fell in love. We had 2 weeks of planning our future. I had done the "get through the day" routine and had given up on a future. Now I was going to get married, move, start a new life! But a blood clot ended that in another one of those horrible moments...

How do I do this again? It's been 79 days since he died. I know we only had 2 weeks... But I feel like I'm being punished. I don't know what to do. The pain is so incredibly awful!!!!

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