Twin brother forever

by Rob Curry
( olympia washington)

My twin brother and i were adopted when we were 5 years of age. I remember the the day we were taken from our mother,or i think she was our mother. the reason i say this is because my memories of this person were not loving or warm thoughts a child would remember at that age. That day i began to notice that my brother had a sensitive side to him that i was always able to push away and he could not. As time went on we would fight as normal brothers and sometimes they would become violent. And as always when the dust settled i would feel this describable sadness for him or maybe it was with him. We had a connection that we never talked about, and when he was sad or hurt i had this terrible sadness for him, When my friends and i would go off to do something i remember asking him if he would like to participate but as always he would say no he would rather stay home. whether it was my own guilt for leaving him or a empathy only a twin could feel i was always sad leaving him behind. Our lives where not bad and the father who adopted us was a dedicated father and raised us the best he knew how, and i admire him for his determination, even under extreme conditions. At 23 years young he came to me and said he did not want to live any longer. We had talked about this for hours, But then the unthinkable happened just a few weeks later, He had taken his life. At that moment it had felt as if all of his sadness was flooded into my soul. It took many years for me to understand what i was feeling, this horrible feeling like a curse i could never be free of. But then i realized that a part of his soul had entered mine .And now i can share the good and the bad feelings .and the wonderful things in life we still share.

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Feb 01, 2012
Sorry for your loss
by: Anonymous

I can not even pretend to say that I know what you are going through. I do know that when my brother Jim committed suicide in 1979, his twin John started acting strange. He would make calls, and pretend to be Jim. He would take out credit cards in Jim's name, take girl's on dates. We all were really concerned for John's mental health. John eventually took his own life many years later, as did many others of my siblings. I struggle with the insanity of it all. I am glad to hear that you did try to talk to your twin. In the end, it is their journey and for whatever reason they do what they do and as sad as it is we have to life with the consequences of it. The sting of it never seems to go away. I hope that in the "mess" of it all you get to understand the "message". I am still looking for the message and one day, when the message is revealed I will understand it all, until then we just live one day as we can, some days, just putting one foot in front of the other. Thank you for sharing your experience, it helps those of us who are in the grieving process right now. My sister died - Thursday.

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