Two Giant Steps Back......
It will be 5 months in a few days (December 3, 2010) that God decided to end Joe's suffering. I was already going over in my head what I would post to mark my 5 month journey. What a milestone.
I really was beginning to have more good days than bad. I could actually think of Joe with out that stabbing pain. I'm still crying every day abut the amount of time is getting shorter.
My mother became ill today, my sister and I had to take her to the ER. She is 85 and in end stage dementia. Her BP spiked and they are having a hard time getting it to stabilize.
As we followed the nurse to the room that she was assigned I noticed a women standing outside another exam room with tears streaming down her cheeks. I glanced into the room she was standing in front of and saw a very small body lying on the gurney. A man soon joined the woman and he also had uncontrollable tears. Then I ran head on to two uniformed nurses who I recognized immediately as being from a flight for life crew. Joe was helicoptered to a larger hospital the day he died. I thought I was going to pass out. I heard the helicopter overhead and actually felt my throat closing up. I started sobbing uncontrollably and I think everyone around me thought I was some mad lunatic.
My mom will be OK. They admitted her for a few days to get her BP under control. Why did this have to happen to me? It's like Joe's last day came crashing down on me again. Just when I thought I was making some progress. They wheeled the gurney to the helicopter and I wanted to run and grab both parents and tell them I was praying for their little boy. I pray to God that he makes it so they don't have to go through this terrible pain.
I know these situations are going to arise in my life ~ I'm just so disappointed that I reacted the way I did.