Two Losses in One Week

by Eniale

I am a senior. Yes, we seniors feel loss a lot as we lose friends, but the unexpected loss of a beloved only sister (and only sibling) AND her dear husband, within one week, brings pain that is hard to describe.

My sister, 1 1/2 years older than I, was always my moral compass. Even as a child, I was impressed by her unique view of the world. This increased as we reached maturity, married, & raised families. Her health was never that good, her husband's was excellent, until 15 years ago when he got cancer. His cancer treatment was excellent, he was a cancer survivor, but contracted Parkinson's & made the choice to discontinue cancer treatment as he feared the progressing Parkinson's more. At the same time, my sister was undergoing one of her many hospitalizations. Their kids were devoted & gave amazing care, but one Friday they were all busy & the hospice nurse was coming. The nurse made a terrible mistake & inserted a catheter much too large. My brother in law was in agony & called his son, who was away on a class trip for his kids. Son called hospice & nurse said she would return in an hour. She did not. Another urgent call from my brother in law & a family member brought him to hospital where he was put on morphine. He never woke up and died 2 days later, a Sun. My sister took news well as can be expected. Her husband was buried following Friday. She was doing well, I visited her Thurs, Fri., and Sat., but Sat. night she took a sudden turn for the worst & died Sun., exactly a week after her husband & was buried following Friday, exactly a week after her husband. Although their health was not good, no one expected such sudden losses. Don't yet feel I have accepted it, still think of things I want to tell her. Cannot express huge void in my life. It helps some to realize their bodies just could not go on, & we are much more than our physical bodies. Even my doctor said that we are composed of energy & you cannot extinguish energy, so sort of sense they are still with us, but since they were such vibrant, remarkable people the pain is so great for all of us. My brother in law had asked just one thing when he decided to quit the cancer meds: "Please don't let me suffer." This haunts his kids. We know they are both at peace now, but it will take a long while to come to terms with 2 deaths within one week. I cry when I cry, but know grief cannot be forced, and it will take a while. God bless them both, and may the angels escort them into Paradise.

Comments for Two Losses in One Week

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Oct 01, 2013
Two Losses in One Week
by: Doreen UK

Eniale I am sorry for your loss of Sister and Brother-in-law to a sudden death in one week. This is such an immense loss. To lose a sibling so close would be an enormous loss. I have 5 siblings and fear losing one of them. It will be especially hard to know your brother-in-law suffered pain before he died due to negligence. We all fear pain. My husband feared being breathless when dying. He had lung cancer due to working with asbestos and developed a terminal tumour in 2009 and died a slow death over 3yrs. whilst I was his caregiver. Watching the one you love die slowly is horrendous. He died 17 months ago and I still have sad days of his loss, but I am recovering slowly.
You lost two very significant people from your family and this is a heavy loss from one family. I found recovery easier by TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME. I nurtured myself each day by doing only what I could and not push myself to do anything my body couldn't do because grief affects one's motivation and energy levels. My body felt as if it was assaulted by being knocked down by a bus and struggling to get up. I took to the couch for 6 months. I recovered better and slowly got my motivation back. Energy levels have taken longer. Crying is the largest part of grief and as you know you can't force this. It will come automatically. Often in inconvenient places. I cried in the bank, food market, bus, just about anywhere it was inconvenient. But I let the tears come and I felt better after each cry. Grief is the worst part of living. None of us knows how painful it is till we go through it. It also depends on the bond of relationship we had with the loved one that died. Which is why grief is an individual experience. We all grieve at different times even within our family. Best thing you can do is take one day at a time and write back to this site if you need more support. We are all here for you.

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