Two months today

by Colleen
(South Africa)

Bruce died two months ago today. I feel as if he has just died all over again. With tears streaming down my face I am reading all the other blogs. This road of hell is too much to bear. When I was raped I thought it was the hardest thing I would have to endure, how wrong was I.

Bruce was my rock in that time, he held me through all my nightmares and now when I need him the most he is not here. Some things are worse than death. So to the next person that says to me I must be strong I might just show them how strong I am, all 54kg of me.

Bruce I love you more than life it's self. I miss you soooo much.

Comments for Two months today

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Jan 19, 2011
too many stages at the same time
by: Anonymous

i've known; i've known for some time, but thought we could fix things. i would approach her and she would put up brick walls. it was the cell phone that gave her away. she had MANY opportunities to come clean - i asked her if she was being 100 percent open and honest. 20 years, three beautiful children and more blessings than i can count - all worth the 3000 mile "emotional support" she's receiving from someone else? time will heal, right?

Jan 16, 2011
nearly 2 months for me
by: Lyn Ann

I have lost track of the days - but I guess it will be 2 months for me on the 20th. And I completely understand your response to "be strong". A lot of people have said that to me - particularly when Jim was sick.

Be strong. Be strong. What does that mean anyway? I think it means that they are saying "please don't show any emotion because then I'll get very uncomfortable".

Well, I made a vow a while back that I will NEVER say "be strong" to anyone. Ever. And although I pray for help through now, I never pray for God to give me strength. He is the strong one, not me. To try and be strong would just make me more exhausted.

Instead I pray for peace - for myself, and for all of us.

So don't feel you have to be strong. Just be whatever you need to be, whenever you feel like it.
Lyn Ann

Jan 16, 2011
two months today
by: jules

My loves - you are so fresh in your grief, I know the pain, I am now 14 months in, and the bad days are fewer now, but when they hit - they bash me over the head - but I have skills and friends on this site to help me over - and I appreciate this will all my heart.
one step, one breath
take care
jules

Jan 16, 2011
2.5 months ago for me - I miss Bob so much
by: Karen

I know how you feel. I lost my wonderful husband, my buddies, my dearest friend of 27 years on October 31 from Stage 4 lung cancer. By the time he was diagnosed in August, it had already spread to his hip, lower lumbar and pelvis.

Some days I dont' know how I can make it through each day without him, we did everything together and were blessed with a love and relationship that many people never get to experience.

The grieving process is harder than I could have imagined. One day I'll be okay and the next I can't stop crying, the loneliness, the anger, I miss him sooooooooooooooo much. I know how you feel, especially regarding the "be strong" comments. What we are going through has nothing to do with strength, it's something we have to endure as human beings, one moment at a time.

I know how you feel, know that my heart, thoughts and prayers are with you. This is not an easy journey, they tell me the pain will never go away, but it will fade and become something more beautiful.

We both have to understand that our emotional balance is very fragile right now and will be for some time.

I'm glad for the time you and your husband had together, he sounds wonderful and very lucky to have you.

Love,
Karen

Jan 16, 2011
Two Months
by: Anonymous

Mine is 4. You wait for it to get better and it seems like it is getting worse. You come out of the fog and then you realize he won't be coming back. No one to hold you. No one to lean on. No shoulder to cry on. I won't say be strong because I'm not and I don't see things getting better in the near future. I will say I understand and my heart goes out to you.

Jan 16, 2011
Think what you like and nod to stupidity...
by: Benther Donthat

Colleen,

When people tell you to be strong, give them that smile we widows have. You know the one that is forced and not at all real, one one held up by imaginary toothpicks. But you can think what you want which usually was something along the lines of blow it out your #$%^&*. Thinking is after all uncensored. Thank goodness...

People have been pushing you towards a speedy recovery since you got here. Take grief in small increments and do what you can. step by step.
HH

Jan 16, 2011
6 WEEKS FOR ME
by: PatJ

Colleen~
It was 6 weeks for me on Friday. I cry, and cry and cry until my eyes are sore. I sit and think about that last day over and over again. I never thought when we woke up that last morning it would be our last day together.

I go out with my friends or family to do something and I cry the entire way home because he wasn't there with me. I can't imagine what my life will be without him. He was my life. I don't know who I am with no husband by my side. I keep asking God, "What am I supposed to do with the rest of my life. How am I supposed to act?" I don't know how to live right now. I'm merely existing and fighting to get through each day. I pray daily for strength for myself and everyone else who is grieving.
God's blessings.

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