Two Mothers, one week
I lost my beloved mama on August 16, 2012. She was 83 and had been in a nursing home for several years. Thankfully she went quickly and peacefully but it hasn't made her passing any easier. That week I was numb but filled with the spirit of her love. In fact I truly believe it was she who sent me the words for her eulogy. We buried her on August 20 and her will was read on the 21.
I had just begun to somewhat feel alive again when on August 23, we lost my mother in law who I was also very close to as she had lived with us for almost 12 years.
Now some almost three weeks after losing mama and two weeks after losing mum I find myself frozen. I feel like I've not been able to truly grieve either of them. I tear up but the tears won't fall and I know that can't be healthy for me.
Why can't I cry? I loved them both so much and losing them within 7 days is almost unbelievable. I tried to go back to swimming which I was just learning to do and now it's like I lost all my confidence and joy. I'm once again terrified of the water. What is wrong with me, why can't I grieve?