Two weeks ago...

2 weeks ago
by: Anonymous

Today is 2 weeks since my son died. I am not sure where I am in my grief. Today I am watching the clock for the time of his death. I have found comfort in knowing that I was truly blessed to have had him for the 20 years I had. I can not be selfish and say it wasn't enough. Most people would not say I am a lucky person but I see it different. I had a wonderful son and in the state of the world today for him to be the type of person that he was is amazing. I found in his wallet a fortune cookie paper that had to have been special to him to put it in there it say... "Don't persue happiness...create it" that sums him up to a tee. We get so busy looking for happiness and it is right there for us to create with what we already have. He continues to amaze me. I am blessed that I was even given him as a gift for the 20 years I had. How can I be selfish and say it wasn't enough? I could have not had him at all. There is no time that it wouldn't hurt unless I went first but that too is selfish. I could not leave him to feel what I now feel. I shake as I type this. I miss him greatly.But I just have to be so thankful for the gift I was given and not be selfish and want more. I have to trust that there is a reason and not let his life be all about his death. Two weeks ago he was killed in an accident at work. He got hit in the head by a piece of equipment that my father was operating. My father was the man in his life. His biological father left when he was 2 and never heard or seen of again. I do not question the accident. I know he was not alone. I know my dad did everything humanly possible to save him. I know he would have traded places with him in a heart beat. I do not have anger, I do not have the questions that alot of people have. I know things are out of our control sometimes and God knows what he is doing. I have to trust Him and just be thankful I had my son for the time I was allowed. I have to keep my son in my special place and continue to grow and live with him there. I have to help my dad get through this. I have to help his younger brother and sister get through this. I reflect back on his life and look at pictures and I can't find any of him not smiling, busy doing something. That boy has done more than me in his lifetime! I have to smile. I think of how he lived his life and I have to learn from him(kinda funny since I'm the mom)I found a picture of a homeless man on his tablet. He told me about him. My son loved to fish and made friends with a homeless vet he called "Henry the hobo" he took him sandwiches. My son would hold doors for people,he would pick up things for people when they dropped something, he made friends with a 90 year old man on the job site (who attended his funeral). He was a different sort of kid than what I see coming up in this world. If he was that amazing on Earth why wouldn't God need him in Heaven?

Comments for Two weeks ago...

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Oct 29, 2012
Son's in Heaven
by: Beverly

I lost my son 4 weeks ago in a refinery explosion. He was 34 years old. I could not sleep the first night, of course, and called a friend of mine who happened to be a minister. I told him that my faith is deep, but I still wondered why Billy. He had married 4 years prior after being a confirmed bachelor ro 30 years. The woman had 3 step children, whom he loved and parented like his own. They then had a son of their own. He was a year old when his father was killed. Anyway, I asked this minister friend of mine "Why Billy? He was giving to every one but himself. I know God has a plan, but why Billy?" My friend replied " Why not Billy? If you were God wouldn't you want Billy with you?" It helped alot to think of it like that. People tell me that pain will lessen, and I do believe that. I also believe God has a plan for every one's life, that when he knew that Billy would lose his in a horrible accident, he stepped in, opened his arms and welcomed him to heaven. I truly believe all of that. But the truth of it is, we love our children, wholly and unconditionally, and we want them here. I believe that since Billy has been taken, it is my place to honor his life but making sure those children know what a wonderful man he was, and by taking every opportunity to live my life in a way that would have made him proud. We cannot change the terrible things that happen to us in life. But we can control how they define us. We need to always remember to look up daily and always forward. We will see our precious children again. Until that time, we will stay here, and plod ahead one day at a time. I know that eventually I will be doing something that was once a normal part of my life and realize that I am doing it because it is once again a normal part of my life. Not simply because it gets me through another day, hour, week. God bless you. Remember to look up and forward. When you do look back, look back with love and pride and happiness at the wonderful life that was your sons. Not with sadness.

Sep 04, 2012
Two weeks ago ...
by: Anonymous

I read your post here and wanted to tell you I am so sorry to hear about your son. He sounds like a wonderful boy, a great tribute to the way you raised him.

I also want to express my profound sadness and sympathy to your Dad. He, too, must truly be going through Hell right now. I do hope you can both share your grief together and be strong for each other.

Try to take care of each other, and your other two children. Your family is your strength now.


Sep 04, 2012
I know your pain, you will survive
by: Anonymous

I read your post and felt like you were talking about my son. I lost him almost 2 years ago suddenly at home to a non detected heart issue. He was a strong, healthy 16 year old boy, my only son however I am lucky to have two beautiful daughters. I'm sure before this happened had anyone said "what would you do if you lost a child?" your first response would be you would die. My son stood for many of the things you described and made a substantial impact on this earth. I fully believe it was his time to be with God and we will see him again. Two years later we still struggle as a family but we remember him with smiles. We have had two memorial golf tournaments in his name (he loved golf) and have raised almost $9000 to help the food bank he volunteered at and The SADS foundation that is trying to learn more about these sudden deaths. Maybe there is something you can do in his name that your whole family can get involved with. The best way to heal yourself is to continue the work they did on earth. God bless you and your family.

Sep 04, 2012
Thank You
by: Anonymous

My son died 13 days ago. He was on his way back to college, he text me he was there. Someone happened and he was shot he is now with the Lord. There is an investigation going on, but no one knows what happened. I am moved by your post, my husband and his younger sister are tying to make sense of what happened. I think when we have an idea of what happened we will be able to move forward.Thank You for sharing things about your son sounds like Mom did a good job. Your strength has helped me.
Thank You

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