Two Years Ago; It Feels Like Only Today, My Hugo Went to Heaven

by Elisa Marie M.
(New York, USA)

On July 29, 2012, my husband of 44 years, Hugo James, passed away in my arms after trying to hold on to life, in so much distress from the battle he valiantly, yet graciously fought for ten months. At 8:40 p.m. that Summer night, he died, and part of me died along with him.

Hugo was my light, my breath, my reason for living; he was my better-than-best friend, my comforter, my strength when I was weak or sick, or sad, or troubled. He was kind, generous, loving, caring in every way, about me, about my family, especially my parents, about our home, his job, everything.

A Beautiful Man.

He had dreams, hopes, plans for our future to grow old together, to enjoy a well-deserved retirement, which never came to be. So, Hugo, I pray you are happy, with no more pain, and rejoicing in the wonder of being with God in Heaven.

I miss you, I love you, I need you. Please wait for me.

Love, your devoted wife, Elisa Marie M.

Comments for Two Years Ago; It Feels Like Only Today, My Hugo Went to Heaven

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Oct 02, 2014
Loss of Husband
by: Debby

My heart goes out to everyone here who has their spouse. Today my husband will have been absent from my life for 38 weeks. Yes, I'm still counting the weeks. One of my biggest issues now are the approaching Holidays! We all, I'm sure had our traditions, what do you do in their place? How will we be able to get out of bed on Christmas morning without our loved one? I for one, am not going to do any decorating, no tree, maybe just a wreath outside near the door. My husband always did the outside decorations, I did the inside. I am dreading it and have been since last February. He passed in January and so I still had the house decorated. Looking at it just killed me. I came home from work one day and literally trudged thru snow to rip the lights off the shrubbery and threw them in the basement, they're still there! Every night I say a prayer for everyone here suffering from a severely broken heart! A friend who lost her husband last September told me it doesn't get better, it just gets different. How true, nothing is the same. I will continue to pray for you and your dear husband Hugo! May we all find peace!

ed note: The Yourspace blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!

Jul 31, 2014
To all who grieve by Anonymous- Mi
by: Jane

On the 8 of August my mom is dead for 15 months. Since her death I went thru **ll. But now a little voice inside me is telling me, stop Jane, you only have to accept the grieve, because I will never forget my Mom. She was the best I have ever had. I have to learn to live with the Grieve. It´s now a new part of me. I don´t know the sense of my life now, but God has show me the way. I found a little Apartment , 5 minutes away from my sick girlfriend (cancer). She is needing help. That´s why I have got this apartment. Well I don´t understand that my way always be with People who going to die. ones I have love so much. My Dad, Marianne, my cat, Ilse and my Mom. Now my best girl friend. I don´t know why God is doing this to me. But I decided, just to follow him.Well I could need a little bit more money for living, but I don´t care anymore. I am so powerless, I just let it come like it Comes, because I can do nothing about it, and since my mom is death, I don´t care anymore what happens to me. I just live my life one day after the other and accept the grief to a new part of me. It belongs now to my life. Like waves, big ones, and small ones, between I get a rest til the next one comes. I said to my self, that is okay. The big grieving waves just showing me my big love to my dear missing Mom. I will try to make her a little bit proud of me on my good days and I am sure one day I will see her again. only our bodies are death, but our soul, our love, lives forever. I love you Mom, I miss you, please forgive me and thank you so much for all you have done for me and for your love without any conditions. You will be always in my heart and on my mind. My longing to you will never die.

Jul 28, 2014
to all who grieve
by: Anonymous--MI

as I am reading all the posts from those on this grief stricken road, I feel so sad and empty for all of us. My husband died 20 months ago from SCA and I too, feel the emotions that you all describe. It feels like a never ending type of torture; a night mare that we cannot wake up from and the only hope I have for joy is seeing my husband again in heaven. I try to keep busy and try to not be a depressing person to be around, but when I hold it all in for very long it makes me feel physically ill. I come home and cry and cry. Same broken heart; same longing for the one and only love of my life. Never ending journey of sadness. When my kids and grandkids are with me I feel so much better, but they have their busy lives and I must go on with what's left of mine. May God have mercy on us.

Jul 28, 2014
Two Years Ago, It Feels Like only Today
by: Pat J.Green Bay,WI

Elisa Marie,
Where does the time go, yet it still feels like it happened today. your words express the way we who have lost a spouse feel.
My husband died 3 years ago on June 27, 2011. My heart still aches for him and always will. They all were the love of our life and we all only have one true love.
Time doesn't heal completely. We may have a scar over our broken heart, but only a thought, a memory, or just of the moment and that scar is riped open. Even after three years I still get tears. Tears are developing in my eyes as I write this. Only one who has their heart broken and feels a part of ourselves went with them, truly understands. We just know we have to go on and do the best we can.
My husbands oldest brother and his wife celebrated 50 years of marriage yesterday. Red and I would have celebrated 49 years on the 26th of June. Yet, due to his death, I will no longer have that joy on the 26th of June anymore. Everyone asked me how I was doing; I can't count on two hands how many times I heard that question. What do they know, they all have their spouses. My answer was, I am doing alright; you never get over losing them, we just learn to go on. I really wanted to scream and cry, but they just don't understand. Our life is forever changed. By the grace of God we do slowly learn how to go on.
All I can really say from my heart, Elisa Marie, is, cherish the memories you have and be grateful for the years you had this loving man in your life; as I do, about my husband. They will always live in our hearts.

Jul 28, 2014
Two years ago, it feels like only to day, my Hugo went to heaven by Jane
by: Jane

Dear Elisa Marie, I am so sorry that you lost your dear loving husband. My mom died, but I have all the same feeling and hurts. Your words are making me crying. It is so hard to help grieving People. There are no words who can really help. Sometimes you can only cry, because the pain is overwhelming you. My Mom was my light my breath, my reason for living too, my best friend and my comforter, my strength, when I was weak and sick, or sad, or troubled. All your words I could ´ve wrote about my mom. Your Words touches my grieving heart a lot. Without our love ones, we will never be the same again, because the whole in our hearts they have left, will stay til we die too. Dear Elisa Marie, I will put on a candle for your husband and you tomorrow and pray that you will get all the power you need now. Life will never be the same like it was, with the one our hearts loving so much, the missing hearts and the grief is going to change us to completely new person. But I am sure, one day, when our time is over on this world, we all will see our love ones again. And our God is love and takes care of them. And than our time is over on this earth, we will see them all again. But it hurts a lot anyway. I am writing again your same words, Mom I miss you, I love you, I need you, please wait for me. I am thinking and feeling the same way, I am sure, our love ones can see and hear us all the time. O Mom, I wishes so much, that my grieving is getting better and you could be proud of your daughter. Dear Elisa Marie,feel your self be hugged from Germany. May God blesses you and I will pray for you too.

Jul 27, 2014
Two Years ago: It feels like only today, My Hugo went to Heaven
by: Doreen UK

Elisa Marie, I am so sorry for your loss of your precious Hugo. I remember when you first wrote about your loss. I echo everything you said as I have a similar loss. Loss of husband 2yrs. ago on May 5th 2012, and also married 44yrs. It is still very much a struggle. Losing our future and our present life with the one we loved and hoped to grow old with. No retirement which is cruel in itself when a man works hard all his life and then dies before retiring. It feels so far away, but yet so close as if I just lost my husband. I can only still take ONE DAY AT A TIME.
I will be thinking of you on the 29th and say a prayer for you. It is my Birthday the next day 30th. It will be hard not celebrating it with my husband. We usually went out for a meal together. Our numbers are getting smaller. May God be with you on this day and comfort you with His PEACE.!!

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