Two years today

by Jen

Hello everyone,

Have had a really rough couple of days and this is down to reliving Richards last two days at home before a large seizure hospitalised him and he never got out. Died 7 Weeks later.
We should have had more time. We were due to go on a cruise the next week. We were going to fit in as much as we could in whatever time he had left....We never got the chance. Feeling like this tho i feel has not put me back as i have achieved so much but it is just impossible not to 'feel it'

I am annoyed and frustrated that so much of the past two years, my present and my future has been taken from me and my children.

Just totally peeved off and yes still very very lonely.

I am getting there wherever that is and i will continue to go along this road with my head held high cause when you think about it, what we have been thro is genuinely unbelievable and we are doing so well.

I go thro these couple of days with only all of you to share this with as friends, etc, wouldn't remember dates like this and i wouldn't expect them to.

I just hate all of this but i will not take any steps back, only forward.

Love to you all and thanks always for keeping in touch.

Comments for Two years today

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Nov 10, 2010
For Jen
by: Mari

Hi Jen. Your feelings are completely normal. The grief comes and goes. Just when you feel you have made progress another memory will crop up.
It will be a yr on Nov 22 since my husband, Anthony went to be with the Lord. We also had plans. He told me to get a room reserved for New Years and also he wanted to take me somewhere on my birthday, Nov 20th. Well, he was too sick on my birthday. My daughter had a birthday cake for me with bumble bees all over it. It was so cute. I could not stay long at her house as I did not want my husband alone very long. He only lived 2 days after that.

This has been some year. I could write a book. I tell you, I have shed more tears this year then ever before. But God has never left me for a second.

And He will not leave you either. We just have to go through all this, no way out. We have lost part of ourselves. But someday we'll see them again. Just keep posting as we are here for you. It sounds to me as if your are indeed progressing. It may not feel like it but I think you are.

Take care. God bless you.

Nov 06, 2010
Your Journey
by: Hope Faith and Charity


Though you are far away, You are SO close because I can relate to where you are in your heart right now right this minute, this day.

Though it is 11 months this 6th day of Nov. I feel to that I have come so far struggled so with the roller coaster of emotions. I just want to get off this ride and head towards what is referred to as organization? acceptance... A life where I am not taunted haunted by the memories of Paul.

So far away, yet I can remember the hospital days, His death and our first date. All mixed into the here and now.

You have come so far. Do not despair. Richard would be so proud of you, your girls. You have found a strenth you knew resided within. And if somedays you feel blue it's o.k. Equally o.k to be P.O'ed, all just being human not weak.

Distractions ? inattention? A bull in a china cabinet? Yep all of these things my emotions trying to keep in line trying to concentrate on the task at hand, yet still foggy. Cranky oh yeah totally and there isn't a thing anyone can do to pull me outta this funk. Ins/outs...highs/lows tiring isn't it?

And....I am drinking coffee, Grab a cup and start writing We are here, always

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