Two years

by Yvonne

It has been two year since Roger died. I used to come to ths sight every day. I read how people were coping and getting through. But I don't seem to be able to. There is no one to talk to. No one wants to hear what I have to say because all I want to do is talk about Roger. I miss him so much. We did everything together we were married almost 40 years. I can't do anything or go anywhere without thinking of him .. After Roger died my mom took a turn for the worse so I have moved her in to my home. I don't know if this was a good idea because now there is no me time. I am constantly taking care of her 24/7. All I want to do is be with Roger. No one understands, no one cares. I feel so selfish sometimes, but I miss the person who took care of me. The one who was always there. The loneliness is so overwelming. I started a support group and went twice but had to stop so I could take care of my mom.

Comments for Two years

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Oct 24, 2012
You have needs too
by: Anonymous

You are being really selfless caring for your mother, but you need breaks. You too have needs. It s extra tough caring for anyone when you re grieving. Call social services.

Oct 11, 2012
by: silver

my husband died 16 months ago,my mom-27months,and my father 34 months.I can't know how you feel taking care of an ailing mother but as a life long care giver I can tell you that you need a break.It's a very hard job and to do it while grieving makes it so much harder. If you feel you can't leave the house,call a friend,a family member,a neighbor or someone even maybe a church member from somewhere.Go to another room and read,watch TV,play on the computer if you have one,go outside if you can do anything that gives you an hour or so to focus on you and how you feel.You need to be free to grieve at some point.Otherwise it will one day engulf you.I know you love your mother and I'm sure you are a good daughter.Just please find at least an hour or so at least a couple of times a week to break away.Your job is so engulfing.It can be very stressful,on top of all the other stress you feel. GOD bless you and send you strength. I send you love and prayers

Oct 10, 2012
Two Years
by: Doreen U.K.

Yvonne I am sorry for your loss of your husband Roger 2 years ago. I know how you feel. This is one of the worst journeys we could ever have to take. You took your mother in to live with you, and you are now wondering if this was the right decision as you are kept so busy you don't have time to yourself. It is just the timing that is wrong and you are tired and grieving. Otherwise it could be a Blessing to you. You firstly need to get support e.g. Family or friends who can give you a break sometime so you can go off regularly to have a break. Sort of shared family responsibility. If there is no one. Try Social Services and explore how you can have this break you need otherwise you will break down in health if you try to do too much all on your own.
When things get better. You will be able to establish a routine and time off for yourself. MAKE THIS A PRIORITY. Only then will caring for your mother WORK.
My sister and brother-in-law are caring for our father 91yrs. They didn't want to put him in a Care Home. They are now finding the caring 24/7 such a strain. Social Services have given them good support in Services that can benefit them. They managed to get a day away for a meal together with other carers. They also got a grant to go away for a weekend. My Dad gets a good pension and they use this for his care and put him in a Residential Care home 2 days a week. Thursday and Sunday. He gets to mix with other people and enjoy a nice cooked meal. My sister and brother-in-law have those 2 days off and go off and enjoy some good quality family time visiting. They come back renewed and refreshed. THIS WORKS WELL. Perhaps you can explore this also. You can also go for grief counselling they should be able to help you cope better with your grief and also explore something for you to get away and have this time to yourself. YOU NEED IT. I hope it all works out well for you. Come back and write to us again. We care how you are coping. I lost my husband of 44yrs. marriage 5 months ago to cancer. I nursed him over 3yrs. I Need someone to Care For to keep me going as I am a BORN CARER. This is my mission in life and I lived for this whether caring for a family (all grown now) or the husband I lost.

Oct 10, 2012
Do the right thing
by: Anonymous

Right now your mom needs you, please be with her. Moms do a lot to bring up the kids. This is your time to pay back. I could not be with my mom when she died and actually, I didn't help her at all. Now she is gone, I regret everyday that I did not spend enough time with her. Do the right thing.

Oct 10, 2012
I understand . . .
by: Anonymous

you are not alone. I am stuck, too. I think I'm okay with that?

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