TY- my dad was my best friend, sorry for the somber mood, jus sayin how I feel

by Tom Y

Its been 4 years today that my dad has been gone, he was 43. The initial wave of grief that I experienced is indescribable. I have lost others close to me, but never like that day. There's was always a deep subliminal expectation down in my subconscious, where I was able to prepare myself for the others I lost. Either due to older age or poor health but my dad was here one moment and gone gone he next. I spoke to him briefly on the eve before his death, as my mom ironically had him call me to say goodnight. My last words to him were, I love you too dad ill talk to you tomorrow. When tomorrow morning came, it brought with it the single most agonizing horror filled news I had ever gotten. I couldn't even understand my mother, she was so historical. All I can really remember clearly is my grandmothers words, willie passed away. Those words haunt me to this day and every time I visualize that moment, it takes me to the darkest most remote recesses of my soul. My mother had found him, already gone, stone cold on their bedroom floor. She had fallen asleep in my little sisters room the night before as my sister was sick and still only at the tender age of ten. I was broken, inconsolable, and I balled my eyed out the whole 3 hour ride from my house in nyc to northeast Pennsylvania. It was a worst nightmare come true. Now here I stand four years later, still not the same as I was before that day, still not back to once vibrant self. I went and have gone from a 22 year old happy, sociable, party going, student/I.t. guy to a 26 year old sad, antisocial, wary car salesman who claims he loves solitude but in actuality is just lonely and depressed. I love my wife and family but iam also not blind to who I once was and who o have become. I will make this promise though, I will make things better some way, it is the least I can do in honor of all those great memories.

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Jan 11, 2014
TY- my dad was my best friend, sorry for the somber mood, just saying how I feel
by: Doreen UK

Tom I am sorry for your loss of your Dad at such a young age. Don't be too positive and strong that you deny what is really going on inside of you just so you can make other's around you happy. Don't ignore grief. Let your wife know how difficult grief is for you and I am sure she will support you by going to grief counselling with you. You need to talk about your feelings and not repress them. One day it will all come bubbling up to the surface and you will be worse for it. this usually takes years and when one is maturing everything starts pressing for resolution. Be YOURSELF. Tell it like it is. You will recover from grief in time. But for now you need NURTURING, from your pain and sorrow and loss. To lose a father is such a great loss to a Son. No one is going to judge you for how you feel. I lost my husband to cancer 20 months ago and my son of 43yrs. had a difficult time with grief. This is normal. Often we get stuck in grief and can't move forward without professional support. Once the blockage has been removed you will start experiencing joy again for life. Keeping a journal helps. Writing out all your feelings in a letter to your father may help unblock pain. Structure this journal how you feel. It will become your best friend in time. Then you can tuck it away with other memories. Best wishes.

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