Tyler

by Shelly sibbing
(Danville in)

A part of me died on June 30, 2012. Tyler, my only son was killed in a motorcycle accident. I prayed we would make it to the E.R....we didn't make it. It is a parents worst nightmare that replays in your life with two words that haunt me. "IF ONLY." If only he was a little later or earlier. If only they had stayed instead of leaving. If only I had been there maybe I could've??? All of these "if only's" haunt me. It has been a little over a year but seems an eternity since I last hugged and kissed my son, a beautiful life taken in the blink of an eye. They say that you feel as tho a part of u is gone...so true, an amputation, if you will. Phantom pains that never go away. Torture in seeing other moms/sons. The grief is unbearable, at times. I am blessed with family/friends but pain is beyond words what my happy go lucky spirit has endured. It has completely, totally ripped my world apart to now...just a shell of a person with a beating heart. I am not recovering, I am not healing, I am not whole, I am not complete any longer nor will I ever be. I have realized just how weak one is and how difficult to pull oneself out of the depths of your own living nightmare. Nobody, no not one, knows the depths of a mothers eternal love unless you have walked her walk thru the life & death of your child. Please don't judge me, for I know better than you, my weakness. My weakness because I loved beyond measure, I gave my all, I gave every part of my being to my children. My strength comes from God. Please pray for all parents who face loss of a child because in reality, they have lost themselves.

Comments for Tyler

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Jan 09, 2014
My son was killed riding a motorcycle
by: Nancy

My prayers are with you, I lost my son, Sam, 32, when he was hit by another car while he was driving a motorcycle. He had just left my house about 3 hours before to clean my furnace,( he still had the replacement part in his pocket when he was found).
He was my only son, I have 4 daughters now. His significant other is my daughter also. He left 2 sons, I don't see his older son who was 11, and little Sammy who was 2, I see often. I feel like part of me is dead inside. I wake up hurting and go to sleep hurting. It never stops. I started attending a new church since the people at the old one didn't seem to care. Its a great church for me and there are other parents who have lost an adult children. Two of my daughters are still grieving also. My middle daughter is autistic, she doesn't realize what happened. I cry at anything, just like a baby sometimes. When will I ever feel better.

Sep 03, 2013
Tyler
by: shelly

Kate:
Thank you for responding. I am so sorry for your losses. The magnitude of loss must be overwhelming. I commend you for your faith in God and in knowing, he will see us through. Please know that I am praying for you also and peace be with you. It is a person of great faith that can reach beyond their own sorrow and suffering and reach out to those in need. Your loved ones would be proud. God Bless You Kate.

Aug 27, 2013
Your son
by: Kate

I know your deep pain,I lost my oldest son in Novmber 2012.
I don't know how I have made it this far,except by God,the divine help. In 9 months I lost my son,my deepest sorrow,three weeks later my closest sister,then her daughter,and my cousin. It is unbelievable. I am stunned and have been since the night I heard my son died. We somehow go on but we are not the same,the joy has been stolen by death. Hugs to you. I
Do understand.

Aug 26, 2013
Tyler
by: Doreen U.K.

Shelley I am sorry for your loss of your precious son Tyler to a sudden death. This is the worst experience in the world to HOPE that your child will make it out of ER. A parent's worst nightmare is hearing the words "We did all we could but your son died." Your whole world then becomes shattered in to a thousand pieces and all you need is to be put back together again.
No person can or should judge you about your pain and moving on from your son's death. This is what every parent fears. LOSING A CHILD/ADULT CHILD. It does hurt to other parents with their sons/daughters and enjoying normal life whilst your world has been torn apart. Your body will feel the grief in a way as if you have been knocked down by a truck and can't get up. Your body will feel wounded whilst your mind tries to grasp what happened. You wake up in the morning thinking this may have been a dream only to find it is REALITY. Your son is never coming back and you don't want to live anymore. Each day is an uphill struggle just to get out of bed and do normal duties. Doing anything more feels as if you are pushing your body and can't. I can understand the "If only's" they assault one greatly when facing loss.
You need God to come and pick you up and put you back together again. ASK GOD TO DO THIS. I had to at one point in my life. When I felt my body shatter into a thousand pieces and I couldn't function. I couldn't gather the pieces to put myself back together again. Only God could do this and HE DID. But it will take Time. Healing is a very slow process. Believing in God gives you an advantage. YOU WILL SEE YOUR SON AGAIN. Live with this Hope. It will encourage and strengthen you each day and give you back your life. Nothing will ever be the same again in your life. But you will Heal to the point you won't hurt anymore as bad as now. May God be with you and your family and bring you Peace and Comfort.

Aug 26, 2013
Fabio
by: Anonymous

Dear friend , i m walking your path as i lost my beautiful son christopher only 2 month ago i feel your pain as i see my wife going the some way you are my son also was killed in a motorcycle accident which i did mentioned to him not to go that day me to say every day if only he had listen to me if that day it rain if i din t give him the opportunity to buy the bike but he was 22 and he was a jetliner. Pilot he started at 14 flying now me and my wife are in the some position as u are chris was our only child and did indeed he took us with him i m now crying every day and on havey medicine i m sorry for your loss i hope one day we meet them again xx

Aug 25, 2013
I know your pain
by: Jolynn

Hi,
I too lost My Tyler almost 1 year ago(October 8th 2012). He was a 2nd Lt in the Marines training to be a fighter pilot. He was 26 years old. I go to groups, bereaved parents, reg grief groups, groups for moms and see a private grief counselor. By far, the best has been my private grief counselor. Sometimes I just don't feel like hearing other people's stories but I make sure I see my counselor for special days too such as on Tyler's birthday to help get me thru it. You are so right...nobody knows the depths- the catastrophic stress that envelopes a mom when she losses a child. Regular M.D.s have been awful. I had one say, "well, you have 2 other children". One not even say he was sorry for my loss and another say "life goes on...read a book" when I phoned him on call with acute anxiety symptoms. Sometimes I can't get out of bed my anxiety and depression are so profound. My counselor assures me that our pain will lesson and that we will be able to have sweeter memories of our child, not just the horrific ones that invade our sleep. I also see a psychiatrist and have been put on Cymbalta as he thinks I have PTSD. I was having night terrors and could not stop thinking about THE WAY HE DIED. I AM BETTER Now. if YOU DON'T THINK YOU ARE HEALING THEN MAYBE Talking TO SOMEONE WOULD EASE YOUR STRESS. do YOU SEE A DOCTOR OF ANY KIND? you SOUND LONELY WHICH IS DIFFERENT FROM BEING ALONE. They are at opposite ends of the emotional spectrum.Loneliness drains resources. Feeling alone is abandonment. We feel empty and unfulfilled and it aggravates our stress. You may be suffering from complicated grief in which case, an antidepressant may actually be of help. In any case, it is simply a nightmare to have to endure this much pain every day. I am so sorry you lost your Tyler. Let's "tell" our Tyler's to get together shall we? One never knows what happens after death. I just hope that I will one day see my sweet boy again. It's all I can have to be hopeful for.
Keep sharing. Reaching out will help diminish your stress a bit.
being ALONE IS SOLITUDE AND GIVES US THE OPPORTUNITY TO NOT HAVE ANY DISTRACTIONS and helps fulfill us thru inspiration. WHEREAS LONELINESS feeds on despair and self-doubt.(sorry...I keep accidentally hitting capital button, I'm an horrific typist!).
Please take care.

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