by Shelly sibbing
A part of me died on June 30, 2012. Tyler, my only son was killed in a motorcycle accident. I prayed we would make it to the E.R....we didn't make it. It is a parents worst nightmare that replays in your life with two words that haunt me. "IF ONLY." If only he was a little later or earlier. If only they had stayed instead of leaving. If only I had been there maybe I could've??? All of these "if only's" haunt me. It has been a little over a year but seems an eternity since I last hugged and kissed my son, a beautiful life taken in the blink of an eye. They say that you feel as tho a part of u is gone...so true, an amputation, if you will. Phantom pains that never go away. Torture in seeing other moms/sons. The grief is unbearable, at times. I am blessed with family/friends but pain is beyond words what my happy go lucky spirit has endured. It has completely, totally ripped my world apart to now...just a shell of a person with a beating heart. I am not recovering, I am not healing, I am not whole, I am not complete any longer nor will I ever be. I have realized just how weak one is and how difficult to pull oneself out of the depths of your own living nightmare. Nobody, no not one, knows the depths of a mothers eternal love unless you have walked her walk thru the life & death of your child. Please don't judge me, for I know better than you, my weakness. My weakness because I loved beyond measure, I gave my all, I gave every part of my being to my children. My strength comes from God. Please pray for all parents who face loss of a child because in reality, they have lost themselves.