Uncertainty

by Edwardo
(Southwestern US)

Last week, I lost someone who was very dear to me. She used to be my girlfriend, but after breaking up, she became my best friend. I wanted so much to get back together with her, I even wanted to ask her to marry me. But I would never get the chance.

She endured an entire year of cancer. I tried to remain hopeful, and I was even told that even though the tumor didn't shrink, it didn't grow. I thought for sure her cancer would go into remission. One day, She suffered a seizure, and before long, she was gone.

Now I feel incomplete. I have a hard time concentrating on even the smallest things. I had a final exam a few days after she died, I couldn't concentrate, and I ended up not caring how I did. My job is suffering as well. I find myself unable to concentrate on work long enough to do it.

I have been dressing in black every day. Some days, I eat like a horse, and others, I hardly eat at all.

Every afternoon, I have gone to the cemetery to visit the grave. I talk to her as if she were sitting there with me. I want to hug her, but I know I can't.

Once, I caught myself texting her an invitation to coffee. I realized what I had done before sending it.

I find myself unable to sleep. I feel really tired, but when I lay down, I can't sleep. I get out of bed, and read her obituary.

I could be fine for a while, but suddenly, I find myself having crying spells.

She was the only one I will ever love. Because of her death, I will never love anyone else ever again.

Comments for Uncertainty

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May 10, 2012
Love 4 her....
by: Mary E

Sorry, to hear about your loss your words touch me. I hear your Love for her. This Love will remain in your heart forever. I don't know what else to say, I wish I had some answers but I don't. Try to remember her in the years that she was here on this earth. Take Care,,,God Bless.

From a mother that loss her son....

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