UNDERSTANDING GRIEF AND LOSS
EMOTIONAL STRATEGIES-
TO EASE THE PAIN
KEEPING IT TOGETHER
Understanding grief and loss...
Give yourself permission to feel the pain and loss. This is most important.
Follow where your grief takes you. The grief process will take a long time,
probably much longer than you expect. Don't listen to timetables, stage models,
or anyone else's idea of how or when you should or shouldn't be grieving. It's
your grief, not theirs!
You have a right to treasure memories of your lost one. Memories are one of the
best legacies you are left with. Loving memories do not prolong grief, but
rather help you cope with and resolve it.
Focus on the good things you did on behalf of your
loved one. Don't dwell on the "if onlys" or "could have/should haves". You are
only human and could not have prepared for this.
Cling to hope. You will get better. There will come a time when you will find
some degree of joy in life again. Your life will be changed forever, and you
will never fill the void left by the death, but you will learn to live with it
in a meaningful way.
Later in your grief, you might find yourself bogged down in some serious
stress and anxiety. At that time, you might want to join in our very useful and
informative
Stress Management E-Course. It's free and very easy
to join up.
ABOUT CRYING
Understanding grief and loss...
Give yourself permission to cry, too. It's nature's stress relief. Let yourself
cry wherever and whenever you feel the need. Every day if you want to. It really
helps. You'll feel lighter after a good cry. Who cares what people think?
Washington Irving said this about crying: "There is a sacredness in tears. They
are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten
thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief... and
unspeakable love."
It's okay to laugh, too. It's not disrespectful or inappropriate. It's your poor
burdened psyche trying to cope and survive.
CREATIVE EXPRESSION
Understanding grief and loss...
It's helpful for you to express your grief by crying and talking about your
feelings. But letting your emotions out in a tangible or creative way can be very soothing and satisfying, too.
There are several methods for creative
grieving:
- Writing- Write a poem about your lost angel.
Start a "grief journal", and write all about them. Write your loved one a
letter apologizing or saying things left unsaid, or to say farewell. Create
a personal
"Yourspace"
in this website, and tell the whole world about your
loss. You can even make it anonymous if you wish.
- Music and poetry provide a poignant
and soothing link to your soul that nothing else can. Explore our
Music & Poetry section for a rich collection of songs and poems you may
find comforting.
- Artwork-
Make a scrapbook celebrating your
loved one's life.
Create a memory box for the family to cherish.
-Painting or
sculpture can help release the tensions of grief in a special
way.
- Living memorials- Plan a special memorial to
his or her memory. Plan an exquisite garden with a memorial bench or stones.
Plant a memorial tree at your lost one's place of work, with a bronze
plaque. Plant a butterfly garden or seed a memorial foundation in his honor.
CHOOSE HAPPINESS
Understanding grief and loss...
After you have been through months of searing grief,
you will come to a place where you crave a break from your bereavement. As we
have stated many times in these pages, early grief should not be denied. You
must experience the severe emotional impact on your psyche in order to get
through it and realize a healthy end to grief.
But as you start to heal,
you may need some guidance in order to help bring a little happiness back into
your life. Without trying to diminish the importance of your loss, we invite you
to visit a soft and simple website that offers many articles and ideas for
choosing happiness in your daily life. Find
free
happiness tips at: i-choose-happiness.com.
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