Unexpected...........trying to be strong

by Sarah

My mom, Marilyn Yvonne Hossack

My mom, Marilyn Yvonne Hossack

My mom died a little over two weeks ago. She was on dialysis and got a bad infection. We thought she was recovering, but it turned into sepsis, and she died fairly quickly. I guess I'm still in shock. I've kept strong for my family, and my mom's friends. So incredibly hard. We were so close. I'm single, no kids, and my mom was so proud when I bought my first house by myself. Was so proud when I graduated from university with no student loans. I keep remembering how proud her and my dad of were of me. Tonight is the first time I've cried. I just keep thinking about how I'm going to be able to deal without having her in my life, every day. If I had a question, I'd call my mom, she'd know the answer. If I wanted to be a bitch, or wanted to know the right thing to do, the proper etiquette for something, really anything I wanted to learned at all---She is still the one I'd call at 34. She understood me.

In the same token I appreciated her. She was strong--she was on dialysis, in pain, had to deal with so much, including the death of my only sibling 12 years ago. Yet she did it, without complaint, still thinking of others. Even this Xmas, she knew of a friend of mine who was having a really tough go of it, with her family. She knew how hard this friend had worked to make her families life better, but still wasn't financially able to buy presents for her kids. My mom sent my friend money to buy presents for her kids. This was essentially my mom. I can't count on my hands, how many times she has helped someone like this. Its what made everyone love her so much.

I sound overemotional. I sound like I'm out of control. I'm normally not that person. I'm usually there for everyone. Tonight is my first night "losing it". Its because I've just realized that I don't know how I'm going to live the rest of my life without her. I haven't married yet, haven't had kids. Neither my spouse or kids will ever learn how special my mother was.

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