Unfaithful Husband

by Emily

I occasionally had thoughts or fears that my husband of 2.5 years was unfaithful but he always had an excuse or way to talk himself out of corners. I believed him.
Before we married we both lost our jobs (working at the same location) in Ohio and he decided to take a transfer to South Carolina with the same company. I moved there with him.

We have an almost 2 year old daughter now and just recently moved back to Ohio due to him finding a better position. We have not yet sold our SC house and therefore cannot afford an apartment or home of our own. I am living at my parents with our daughter and he lives with his mother. We would stay over at each others homes several times a week.

Lately I have been finding odd charges on his credit card...bar tabs for $70 when I had no idea he even went out. Again, excuses that it was last minute. Just 3 days ago I found a charge, "**ypal ***l m***a" which I found to be odd so I googled it. *shl** ******on. An affair site. When confronted about it he became angry and told me it must be fraud. Told me I needed to stop accusing him of cheating every other day.

Once again, I forgave him because of his excuse but woke up next to him at 3am with a hunch. I got on his phone and went*********.com. I could not sign in but a profile name came up in the box. He had an account. I also discovered a secret email he had (which I could not sign into) which had "sc" in it. I know now that he has been doing this since we moved to South Carolina together. When I googled the email it came up with an a********.com page of which all the information provided pointed right at him. He was "friends" with 12 women from the surrounding area. It also told me he made the page on 9/20/2011. Our daughter was already 5 months old.

I calmly confronted him the following day and explained all the evidence I had against him. He just stared at me. Nothing. He could not deny it anymore. I had no evidence however that he was doing anything more than TALKING to these women. I told him to sign into his A*************** account and show me the messages. Prove that he was not meeting up with them. He refused and I drove away.

That was 2 days ago. Since then I have received only two texts. "I'm sorry, Emily" after work that day and today, "Do you think we need some time apart?" I responded that I thought if he cared for his daughter or saving our marriage that he would try to do something. I have heard nothing since.

It is killing me not knowing if he is feeling badly or seeing this as a free for all. Time to go out, get drunk and find some women! If it were not for my daughter I might just walk away but we also have a home and debt. I mostly feel numb. I have not even been able to cry yet. It's so unbelievable to me so far...how was I so blind??

Comments for Unfaithful Husband

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Nov 03, 2014
35 years
by: Anonymous

I was married 35yrs thru all those years I found that my husband had cheated in so many levels and so many times of which I caught him personally! I stayed to make sure my children had a mother and a father since we both didn't! When my youngest joined the military and graduated of which I'm very proud if all my children because I know I did very good in raising them and yes I say "I" because he was never there but I knew where he was "with other women"! So my graduated he came with me after me arguing and making sure he was there to support our son which was suppose to be a weekend trip he left because he had to work. Three years ago after all my children were married and gone I found out where the women he was seeing lived at I went there found him in his car just about to come home to me, BUT I told him I knew everything I knew her name, her address, etc and I told him to go back inside her house and stay because he WAS NOT COMING BACK TO MY HOUSE! we were thru he didn't say a thing, but then again he never does when he is caught he figures I'll give her time and space and she'll take me back. I wrote the woman a letter so we can make time to speak face to face, but she decided to call on the phone well that is when my heart broke to a thousands pieces cause now the truth is coming out my husband has been with this woman 5years right under my and my children's noses everything that he was suppose to be doing for us he was doing for her and her three children the Christmases and New Years he was supposed to be with us he was with her well after three hours of talking on the phone discovering all of the things and crying from the hurt and pain that a man I've been married to for 35yrs I decided enough was enough! Now 3 yrs later my lord and savior has helped me live through the pain because, yes, there is going to be pain and feeling of what could I have done to save this marriage, what could I have done to keep him from running around on me, how could I loved him more to keep him and my family together, BUT, God has shown me that's a cheater will always be a cheater because he thinks only about himself and what he wants and his desires come first! Yes, he know he's hurting the people he loves, but he wants his cake and to eat it too! So please, think of yourself and your family first and then of the man that doesn't want to stop what he's doing and the pain he's causing because he will always lie and try for you to accept or feel like I can change him or maybe it's my fault, HONEY, no don't waste your youth, time on a man that keeps proving to you over and over again that He will not change because yes the signs are there! I don't regret the years because a beautiful family came from it and now I sit back and see a lot of things I didn't see when I was I the marriage, but I thank my lord that I can see what he's going thru because Tyler Perry movie said it well I'm the 80 and she's the 20 and HONEY DOES HE MISS HIS 80, lol. But I will never go back to where I was because now I have opened eyes and i am free thanks to my Lord that brought me thru it all because without him I couldn't of made it!!!!!!! So please listen to your guts and your heart and don't waste your lives on someone that's not worth your time! Blessing to all!

Mar 18, 2013
I was there also
by: Anonymous

Hi Emily,

I am so sorry this is happening to you. My first love of 16 years (and the father of my son) did the same things, only he was in a band so it wasn't computer generated.
I lived in the same paranoid state since the beginning, but was so not wanting to know the truth and I was also only 19 and 11 years younger than him, so I believed everything he told me as lying was his forte. I tried everything in my power to keep him from cheating and NOTHING worked. I knew in my gut he was messing around, but I couldn't convince my heart of this. I would leave temporarily and he was prince charming once he lured me back. This would last until he felt confident I wasn't leaving again and the cycle would repeat. How could he do such a thing to me (and his child)? I just fell for his "poor, lost soul" act over and over and believed him. Nothing changed. I finally gathered the courage and left when our son was 16. My son actually moved with me b/c he knew what his dad was about.
I don't want to tell you what to do or what not to do, I can only relay my story, but if your husband has the audacity to do these things now, what will he do a year from now, 5 years from now? I learned the hard, long way that one cannot change another. They have to WANT to change and do it themselves. My ex is still my first love and still the father of my son and he is still trying to woo me back after 3 years (he also was an alcoholic and just finally stopped drinking and has been sober for 2 months). It is still hard not to fall back into the same stuff as I knew him for so long. I just remember, though, how bad things were and how I was completely losing my sanity there. I doubt I would ever be able to trust him again.
I pray you are strong enough to put yourself and your child first and do what is best for you both. If you guys take a break maybe he will realize that the grass isn't greener on the other side and want to reunite as a family. Be prepared though, as was my case, that he will constantly think a different field of grass just might be greener and keep trying. Listen to your gut; it never lies and it is rarely wrong.

Peace be with you.

Mar 15, 2013
Unfaithful Husband
by: Doreen U.K.

Emily I am sorry for your grief now at this moment with a husband who is being evasive. You haven't been blind. Like most women we don't want to be accusing or suspicious even if we have our suspicions. There is no easy way to confront a problem like this than to do it head on whether your husband likes this or not.
There is nothing worse than living a lie and you can't live with a lie which is why you had to deal with this now. You will know the signs of distance in a marriage which is the first sign of infidelity. Even if your husband had not been physically unfaithful to you. He is being unfaithful by using secrets to exclude you from his life with other women on his mind and perhaps his computer. This is wrong. You have to decide whether you want to live like this and put up with it for the sake of your child or whether to Leave? It is not always the best thing to stay for the sake of the children otherwise you just prolong the agony for yourself and your child. this will affect your emotions and cause you stress you don't need. Best thing to do is go and see a counsellor. At least you can get support, relieve your pain and suspicions, and have a clearer mind to know WHAT TO DO? A counsellor will not tell you what to do. You will discover this by yourself by how counselling works. You will be resolving this problem the best way for yourself since your husband is not being co-operative. You need to be firm in your mind what to do and how to move on with your life. With or without your husband. Only time will allow you the space to work this out. Keep logic in the forefront of your mind and not emotions that make you unstable in making a decision. You will come though this ordeal a stronger person. But get support. Don't do this by yourself or with the aid of your friends who may give you the wrong advice. Best wishes

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