Unfinished Journey

by Sandra
(Malverne, New York USA)

Lloyd and I met a few years ago and became best friends. We have been together three years and got married December 24, 2010. Lloyd was my dream we were both older, he was 52 and I am 46. We didn't have our youth together but we were so in love, we were going to make the best of the years we did have. We did everything together. I have three children from a previous marriage, he was so good with them. He would prepare packages for my daughter in college and have me send it to her. My fifteen year old son developed a close relationship with him. We had established our routines and traditions as a family unit. Then everything changed the day after Thanksgiving. Lloyd was in such a great mood Thanksgiving night. My parents hung around until after nine then his stepson and his wife dropped by. We got up that morning he left to play paddleball and I went to work. Forty minutes after I got to work I got a call that he had collapsed and was at the hospital. I had no idea he was already gone. The doctor told me they couldn't get his heart started.
It has been three months since the love of my life is gone. Sometimes it still doesn't feel real. He use to leave me a postcard on my pillow every night. Now those cards give me something to hold on to. The cards help me keep him close. Everyday gets a little better but I hurt so deep I will never be the same. I don't cry as much anymore I just feel an emptiness inside. I feel sad for my husband who is gone, an unfinished life he was looking forward to so much and I feel sad for myself being left here without him. Sometimes I wish I was taken too. I am trying to be strong, trying to go on for my children it's an ongoing struggle.

Comments for Unfinished Journey

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Feb 28, 2012
Your memories will see you through.
by: Hopeton in England

Dear Sandra
It is very early morning. I guess chilly England is half a world away and yet the anguish in your words carries. I obviously cannot really know how you feel but there is so much pain in your words that I, who am usually talkative, am lost for the right words to tell you.
My method of dealing with those that I lost was to bury myself in work instead of facing the pain as you are doing. I believe your approach is correct, for even from here I can sense the great affection you had for Lloyd and your determination not to forget that important part of your life.
You are a good person and I believe the love you have for your children and your very special memories will see you through. To bury your pain (as I did,) may bring temporary relief but with the pain you also bury those special memories. You are on a journey which began when you met Lloyd and it is quite obvious by your words that you are still together and your love, if anything, will only get stronger.
My thoughts are with you.

Feb 27, 2012
New Journey
by: Judith in California

Dear Sandra, 3 months is a very short time and I remember feeling worse at that time. Time is your best friend right now and you will need it to heal and get to the peace and acceptance you long for. It's the hardest thing you'll ever do. Grieve as long and as hard as you can anytime, anywhere you feel it.

It's been 17 and 1/2 months for me and I never thought I'd be a peace tho I still have my moments but they are fewer and I'm now going out and doing things I like to do, even smiling and laughing. I will always love my husband and I'm sure he would not want me to live my life sad, depressed and feeling lovely and unloved.

This is a big step for me as I never thought I would feel a little lighter.

God bless you on this most difficult journey to peace.

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