Unrequited Love

My husband and I were married 35 years when he died 3 days ago. We were separated previous to this 10 years. My husband was a troubled person whose personality began to change drastically after about the 25th year of our marriage.
We'd been through some difficult times and even had a point in our marriage when things were good.
Then, the verbal abuse got overwhelming. We were separated twice. The second time I went to live with my mother. She was just across town and we had several years were I walked on eggshells with him and he lost his mooring.
His alcholism got the best of him for a short time, and the law put him back on the right track.
This was the most difficult time in our marriage. I had to let him go. I always heard that you must let an alcoholic hit bottom. I'm not sure that I helped him during this phase. He remained my provider during all this time that I went back to school and subsequently work.
He worked in another town for awhile and then things changed for him at the other job and he eventually found another job right across the street from me.
I helped him find that job.
We never got back together in the same house but things were a little better before his heart attack 10 days ago.
We had gone to a political rally, and he got his hat signed and we went to eat at Captain Dees. We sort of "looked" like husband and wife by then.
I left him at home and went back to my mothers. I always fussed over him and asked him that night to come over and stay with my and mom. I asked him twice. he had just recovered from back surgery and he was doing well.
That's when he had his heart attack.
I don't know if it would have been better for me to see him suffer. I only know I lived at the hospital until the doctors and nurses called me to tell me he had taken a turn for the worse.
My grief is somewhat more difficult because I wanted to be a wife to my husband but he wasn't able to give back to me.
I know he has peace and joy now. He is sitting, fully clothed, in his right mind, and talking to Jesus. He is fully accepted by the Father even though he could never see his own value and worth.

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