by Courtney stockill

My grandma passed away a year ago today.. These last few weeks I've been fairly unhappy.. I've never really grieved the death of my grandmas as I tried to stay strong for my mum and sister but right now at breaking point.. The only thing holding me up is my boyfriend and he doesn't even know how much he's helping me.. I just want to disappear. I want the pain and hurt to go away. I wish I got to see her or talk to her as I got slack and stopped calling her. I blame myself everyday and it's not getting easier... Only worse.. I don't know what to do anymore

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Oct 14, 2013
by: Doreen UK

Courtney I am sorry for your loss of your grandma. The reason you are not coping is because you were too busy being strong for your mother and sister and so didn't deal with your own grief. It is not easy to support others within one's family when everyone is hurting. We all have boundaries and I dare say you are suffering a BOUNDARY INJURY. From your description of how you feel it sounds as if this has happened. this happens more and more within families where the strong one seems to automatically carry the load of care for the whole family and then end up breaking down. I am also talking from experience. Being the family carer I didn't know how to stop. I suffered a BOUNDARY INJURY. It is so painful. It causes so much distress that all one wants to do is run away. Life becomes unmanageable. Best thing you can do is to take yourself off to see a good counsellor. If you get the right counsellor you will soon find yourself Healing in ways that you can't imagine. You will come out of how you are feeling now. I felt a sense of BEING FREE and able to cope with life better. It is so hard for someone in your position to wonder what is going on. With counselling you will manage better to break habits that are emotionally unhealthy. e.g. excessive blaming of one's self. which can be part of the personality of a carer. You will get your life back, and become stronger in the places where you may be weak. I did it. It was a liberating experience and I live life in a very positive way, and much happier for doing something about how I was feeling. I wasted too many years. Best wishes.

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