Us orphans my 3 brothers and my sister

by Maiete
(london)

I lost my father when I was 4 yrs old i have 3 brothers and one sister we were all adopted by uncles and aunts now in our 60"s that we finally see each other in the same country we have great difficulties to bond with each other, i am very hurt because all efforts i make towards them does not work at all The 5 of us seems to have a problem with alcohol when we get
together we just fight no end when few of us are left in tears. It is hard just not to see each other as we know deep inside we absolutely love each other, therapies has not worked
at all so what to do It is so hurtful.

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Jan 31, 2014
Us orphans my 3 brothers and my sister
by: Doreen UK

Maiete I am sorry for your losses in your life that leave you and your siblings divided. What happened to you all as siblings seems to have created division. It is good that aunts and uncles adopted you all. But a pity you all couldn't be kept together so that you all could have bonded with each other. Many families have problems with bonding and it creates so many problems trying to come together. It is such a pity that therapy didn't work for you. Therapy and counselling is a very skilled area in the family dynamics. You would all benefit from family counselling together to tease out how you all feel. Get in touch with the pain you all feel. You wouldn't then need to use alcohol as a diversion and tool in coping with life. I understand the dynamics of counselling and know that you could all benefit from exploring your life's issues and you would all be able to heal from your past. Talking about your past does help put things into perspective, but sometimes it is very hard to resolve issue from the past. You also need to get the right therapist and counsellor otherwise it wouldn't work. I had the right person and it worked for me very well. Often in families that are divided each person is trying so hard to come together and it doesn't work. So many families have a problem bonding. I know in our family we have the same problem. If we could all get together and talk out how we feel I know we could get closer. But often there is a lack of understanding and what is often said could be taken the wrong way and create bigger problems. MATURITY also plays a large part in being able to resolve the losses from one's past and be able to move forward. For some families they will remain strangers. If you all met on common ground and just started being friends you would start healing. Don't have any expectations. Respecting each other and being available for each other is a good start to build up a relationship that could become closer. Being brought up with aunts and uncles means that you were nurtured within your family and not by strangers who adopted you. This should make it easier for you all to come together. Take alcohol out of the equasion and see what happens. I understand how feeling like a stranger within your own family could be hurting you now. It is usually when one becomes older that with the normal maturity one's past starts pressing for resolution. You are at an age when you need this closeness. I hope that you will be able to get your life back on track and forge out a closer relationship with your siblings.

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