Valentine's Day Present 2009 Las Vegas
by Patricia
Getting ready to drive ~
I made a milestone with going out to dinner on my own the other day. One day normal as normal can be and then another sad and lonely. Does it ever stop? I know its Valentine's day coming thats bringing me down. I see the "love" in the air, flowers and Forever Afters everywhere. The last couple of Valentine's day presents from Billy were driving a Nascar car just like the professionals. My first was California Speedway ~ 10 laps. I was so excited I thought I would pass out. Of course is was 106 but the excitement just thrilled me. My second Valentine's present the following year was 30 laps at Las Vegas, Number 45. Fire suit on and a pad behind me because my legs were short in the car. OMG ~ I was in heaven. I even have it on DVD and I hit a top speed behind my instructor. The other instructor's were kidding him saying I was "Bump drafting" him. Of course being a women really added more fun and teasing. Now I'm looking at this Valentine's day lone, missing and wanting him so bad my heart hurts, I mean physically hurts. Is that possible? I was proud that I had dinner on my own but now I'm breaking down. I'm working on getting my own apartment (away from my Brother and his wife ~ thank goodness) so there's things to buy, cable and water to turn on. I'm afraid when the busy stuff is done I'll be in an apartment really alone. It keeps knocking at the door of my broken heart. I just don't know what to do. Working keeps my busy during the day but at night my loneness drags me into a dark black hole that threatens to choke me. I'm 51 and this will be the first time I'm really alone. Alone. I miss his smile, his touch and warm body I could snuggle against at night. 7 months 21 days gone from me, gone from my life and the despair I feel at moments torment me. Now is Gods Hands, Forever in My Heart ~ always, 1 step, 1 breath at a time ~
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