by Gudadalupe Lagunas

I am a widow. Those are some words that are not for me or I had in the back of my mind for 50 years. I lost my husband about 6 months ago. The grieving process I have been aware of for many years as I experienced the deaths of other close and not so close family and friends. It happened to everyone else but not to my husband. At the time of his death he had many health issues. Some were a product of a lifestyle that doctors say are contraindicated if you want to live a healthy life. In other words he was doing things his way just like millions of other people. He lived life pretty much his way.
By some freak happening he was diagnosed with Parkinsons at age 59. He suffered with this as well for 10 years. I was the caregiver all that time and I also worked outside my home. I have two grown children, grandkids and two wonderful additional family members I like to refer to as my daughter and son who are married to my children.
I have always believed that putting things in writing is good "therapy for what ails you". I did it when our family was going through some hard emotionally charged times and I for one didn't think the family unit would survive. We survived and came out all the wiser for having gone through it together.

My husband death 6 months ago was unexpected somewhat.
I knew the disease would get worse but not when it would take him from us. So you might say we did expect it sometime, somehow and took it one day at a time. Some days were harder than others to cope with. The bad days did take their toll on all of us and especially me.

Now that he is gone I have been going through all the feelings and reactions that a grieving person goes through. I found this website today and since I like to put things in writing I felt compelled to do it here. To whomever takes time to read this I thank you. This is going to be a good thing.

Comments for virgo

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Apr 06, 2011
one day on step at a time...

You have found a safe place here. Everyone here is wonderful and have pulled me through many tough dark days. You were your husbands caregiver for so long and somehow you managed that along with the other rough times in your life.

I know that grief is absolutely THE hardest thing that I have ever attempted to get through. Some days you think gee I'm getting a little better... then the next you feel as if you are back to the beginning. The grief cycle looms and plays over and over in our minds but eventually you will choose to be happy again.

I know it sounds impossible. But a little light a little joy will come to you if you are looking for it and embrace it regardless of how small it is. It is the small bits of happiness that carry us through grief in all the darkness. Come here often it is a lifesaver just knowing that others feel as you do is a huge comfort.

One day one step...

Apr 05, 2011
Come Here Often
by: TrishJ

You found a wonderful web site. My husband died 4 months ago and this web site has saved me. Writing our feelings certainly does help. My husband was ill for a lengthy time and I too was his care giver. We just never thought he would die. I don't like having to call myself a widow either. The first time I had to check marital status on anything it was really traumatic to have to circle W. My son said, "Mom, I just never thought dad would actually die." None of us did. The pain is overwhelming most days.
Right now I'm drifting through each day just trying to figure out who I am after 37 years of marriage. I'm sure you are doing the same. You mentioned children and grandchildren. Thank God for them. They will be there for us and get us through all of this mess.
Keep coming to this site and keep writing. We'll all be here to listen.
Gods blessings to you. I hope you find some peace and joy today.

Apr 04, 2011
by: M Mack


Finding this site will help, especially since you've experienced the first six months of grief. I am sorry for you and your family. All the firsts birthdays anniversaries, holidays....they are brutal and the face of grief has it's way of resurfacing whenever it wants. You are not alone in this and many of us are in different stages. Read as much as you can here and remember to take it slow, one breath, one step, one day at a time. I pray you find comfort.

Apr 04, 2011
by: Anonymous

i lost john 3 months ago after being together 8 years, he died from leukemia, i cared for him too, my grief is terrible

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