was a total shock to me

by Sarah F.
(Bethel Springs, TN 38315)

My mother who was my best friend died this year on January 7, 2013. I am 26 years old and I never thought I would lose my mother so early in life. I lost my biological father when I was 12. any ways losing my mother I think was the worse thing that could possibly happen to me. it was a total shock when I found out because I was at work and found out from a post a family member put on facebook. oh my gosh I didn't know what to think. I kept thinking it was all a joke. these past six months have been so hard because I have a one year old son(he was 7 months then) and it hurts me so much cause I wish she was here to watch him grow up. I know she is up in heaven watching up but it is just not the same. I want to pick up the phone every day and call her or text or send her a picture of me and my son. it is so hard. and you know it is so hard to hear others talk about their moms and how much fun they had doing something because you know now I will never get that. my mother was my best friend. I know I would get irritated with her sometimes and man I really wish I didn't. but I didn't know how sick my mother was. my step dad and her never told me. and that hurts so much also because I wish I had known. I know I couldn't have stopped time or anything because of knowing but I would have gone to see her more so she could be with her first and only grandson. I just feel so lost because I don't have her. my dad and I do not communicate real well and its just I know I keep repeating myself but this is so hard. I am lost. I miss her so much and I would give anything to give her one last hug and kiss and tell her how much I love her. and let her hold and kiss her grandson one last time. I am so hurt.

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Aug 20, 2013
Its the worst
by: Anonymous

Im 26 too and lost my mum almost exactly a year ago. She was only 50 and we had no idea anything was wrong. She died of a brain anyurism.

Your post brought tears to my eyes because I feel the same as you; she was my best friend. I've been thinking just this week, that even a year on, there is no one how could ever take her place. I still have so much I wish I could say to her. Life has kept moving along I guess, and there is so much I wish I could share with her. Things she'd say "I told you so!" to and things she would have laughed at, great coffee shops I wish I could recommend to her, and I dont know, just every day things.

Its hard. It sucks. Its the worst, it really is. My greatest fear was that my mum would die before me and I just cant believe it happened. I know how you feel, we're too young to have said goodbye to our mums. Thats really special that she got to see your little boy though; myself and none of my brothers and sisters have had children yet. Its sad, because she would have been a great grandma as I'm sure your mum was; if only for a brief time.

In saying all this though, please take heart and know that it does get sort of better. I hit a particuarly hard patch about the 6 month mark, and someone on this forum suggested seeing a grief councillor and it was really helpful. And I've found that although I still have 'sad days', there are happy days in there too. Without ever forgetting her, the sad days become further apart.
I dont really know what to else to say, except I feel your pain and know your loss. My heart breaks for you; yet another daughter having to say goodbye to not only their mother but their best friend way too soon. You sound like a really caring and loving daughter, your mum was blessed to have you in her life.

Jul 09, 2013
I feel the same!
by: carolina

I just lost my mom may 8 2013 and that was the worst day of my life! I too lost my dad when I was 8 years old and was very close to my mom. She lived downstairs from me and I saw her everyday. She had some heart problems but I never knew she was going to die so soon. She had been having fatigue but was 79 years old and I figures she was getting old. A few days before her death she had stomach pain,chest and back pain but she always complained about the same thing. Then she vomitted and told myself "oh good,its just her stomach". Meanwhile now I think she may have had a heart attack and died 4 days later. Her doctor tells me she had arrythnia and had sudden heart attack not that she had heart attack 4 days prior. I wish I wouldve taken her to hospital the day she vomitted and now I have to live with that guilt of maybe I couldve saved her and I didn't see it! My mom was my best friend! I miss her so much that I want to die sometimes but I too have a 7 year old daighter that I know I have to raise and need to stay here on earth for her. Life is very unfair! Very sad but looks like we don't have a choice but to go on for our children and teach our kids about how special their grandmother was and raise them the right way. Take care of yourself. I know its not easy!

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