Was my boyfriend addicted to prostitutes?
I'd like to just say first my condolences to all the women on here. It's terrifying to think that this went on for so long with so many of you, as I have only been with someone for a year and I feel like my grip on reality has been completely compromised!
The thing is, I only suspect my (now ex) boyfriend has a prostitute addiction, and I was wondering if, for my own piece of mind, someone could give me their thoughts as an experienced victim?
Basically I ended it with him because a few too many things weren't adding up and I didn't feel I could trust him anymore. Since then though, I have spoken to a friend of his at some length and have been told that the lying goes further than I ever could have imagined:
1. he told me he had been with 48 women
2. he told me he'd never been in a relationship for more than 6 weeks (we are quite young, he's 25 and I'm 22)
3. he told me that when his dad left his mum, they had no money and as a result, he had to pay towards the house and bills from the age of ten. In order to do this he said he got involved with gangsters, going into great detail about the various situations he got himself in. He said that when he got to 21 he decided he wanted better for himself and left his old life behind to go to uni (hence why I never met any of these people). He used this as a reason for having been with so many women, blaming the class and type of women who chose to hang around with those kinds of people.
4. he told me that he had a sister who was a year older and was very close to him. He told me she got in an argument when she was 18 and that while defending his reputation, got her throat slit and died. While we were together he told me the guy who killed her was released from prison, and that he was getting hounded by old friends of hers demanding to know why he wasn't 'doing anything about it'. While we were together he would regularly 'go and visit her grave'
5. One of the times he was going to 'visit the grave', he was arrested for having a prostitute in his car. He claimed that he stopped at traffic lights, the prostitute mistakenly got in the car and before he knew it, the police were outside demanding he come with them. I wanted to go to the trial but he wouldn't let me, saying it was too humiliating to be accused of such a disgusting crime.
6. He has a female friend who I have never met, but who talks to him almost every day. He claimed that she was a bit unhinged and that he felt sorry for her. He also told me that while I was on holiday she claimed to be pregnant with his baby, saying they had sex when he was drunk. Apparently she later said that it wasn't his but that she was scared to go through an abortion alone, prompting her to tell the lie.
Throughout our relationship I was kept seperate from his family because of their apparent 'difficulties' with the fact that he is muslim and I'm christian. He used his religion and culture to explain a lot off oddities.
Since speaking to his friend we have compared various details of things he has said and virtually none of them add up. He never had a sister and when (after being arrested and me among other people trying to find out where he was) he was nearly caught out, he told me he had never told his friend about the sister, but that he had now set him straight, while telling his friend that I made the story up because I am the token 'mental girlfriend'. He has been with at least 2 other girls for a year each, one of whom had the same name as his 'sister' (this explains a ring he gave me to keep, a ring that his sister apparently bought him - engraved round the inside was Y & Z LOVE ALWAYS). As far as his friend knows (and he has known by ex for considerably longer than I was led to believe) there were never any gangsters, and his dad has always been financially supportive of him, his brother and his mum. The list of lies goes on and on...
I've spent the last few weeks barely sleeping, wondering why someone would lie about all these things, when it occurred to me - if his sister never existed in the first place then he wasn't going to visit her grave when he left my flat the night he got arrested. This almost certainly means that he was knowingly out to pick up a prostitute, as he was obviously lying about where he was going in advance. Since realising this, things have - for the first time - started to fall into place:
1. he told me he'd slept with 48 women (presumably prostitutes)
2.I pointed out that was a lot to go through in just a few years; he tells me he's never had a girlfriend for any length of time, making it more plausible that he might get through this many
3. he has to justify knowing so many easy girls, makes up the story about the gangsters
4. the night he told me about his sister was first night we tried - and failed (oh yeah, i forgot to mention, he couldn't get it up through our entire relationship) to have sex. This was after a good few hours of him sitting awake, I think he realised he needed an excuse to disappear late at night if this was going to carry on while we were together
5. despite the female friend causing major tension in our relationship, (I was always conveniently kept away from her, to the point where I was blocked from her facebook for almost the whole relationship), and despite saying he was going to cut her out of his life, he never quite managed it. I think this girl knew something about the situation and/or was at it with him on the side, and he was scared that if we ever met I would find out.
Sorry that this post is so long - like I say, I can barely get my head around it (trying to finish the last few weeks of my degree has taken an involutnary back seat). I just really want some piece of mind that there's at least a logical reason for all this, and I'd really appreciate if someone could let me know whether I sound like I'm on the right track.