watching him die

by claire
(johnstone )

the way I remember you

the way I remember you

I got told that my papa had cancer six years ago so iv always known he wouldn't be here forever sum times I would have a dream of him dien the dream would be me standing over a coffin going into the ground and I would be screaming and trying to stop it . Iv always been very close to my papa I remember every memory my papa used to tell me what he thought was best for me and I used to go against it and do different but when I made the wrong choices I knew my papa was right but not wonst did he ever say I told you so he was just there for me when things went wrong he told me I would be ok he helped me through everything he gave me his last penny just so he knew I would be ok I love him more than anything . He's not yet dead but they don't think he will make is past feb its hurting me so much I used to whistle a song to me when I was younger and It always anoyed me lol but there's a video of him whistlen that song and it sounds like the best noise in the world and I would give anything for him to be able to do that again . I miss him being able to cook all these beautiful meals he was the best cook ever! . He can't do these things anymore and it feels like only part of him is left he can't stand up or take care of himself its so sad because just a couple of months ago me my mum and papa where fine wee always went out on a monday and get sumthing to eat like mcdonald.I feel quitly that I can't be with him without crying I'm strugglen to be strong for him I can't clean my house I hardly sleep and I'm not even able to get ready I pray everynight for god just to make things ok again I'm scared because I don't no how ill be when he dies but most of all I'm scared of what will happen to him when he dies is there a heaven will he go . Will my papa get what he's been dreaming for. He wants to see his wife again ( my gran ) she died before I was born . My papa is hopen that his mum and wife will meet him and take him to heaven I hope and pray with all my heart that happens I hope there's a god and a heaven I would like to find god myself then maybe I would cope better with him passing . I love you papa and I miss you now and ill miss you when your gone I hope you rest in peace and I pray you get what you want . Your guidense and love will never leave my heart for you are an angel.

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