we lost a good man today to a fight of recovering cancer

hey all, my names amber and I'm 22 years old. today, i lost my grandfather. he has been in and out of the hospital for just a little over a year starting may 2013. from all the years of smoking it led to bladder cancer, so he had his bladder removed. he was a decent man; very caring, funny, a guy that beat to his own drum. any who, after his surgery he had been in and out of the hospital, first we weren't sure if he was going to make it. he had COPD, heart failure, diabetes, kidney failure. it just seemed that more of this was going on.. he would feel better and then be right back down again, in and out of long term care with UTIs, low calcium, high potassium, electrolytes all out of wack. He was still sane, expressing himself vocally, and when he had his good days they were great. If three days ago you were to of told me my grandpa was about to die i would have said you're lying. One day he was up talking sitting in his recliner at home and watching wheel of fortune, then the next day he's in the hospital with an infection in his ostomy site...4 days later the nurses on the med surg floor come in to his room and he's unresponsive, my family had stopped in the every day and he was suppose to actually leave the hospital today. i stayed with my grandpa yesterday for hours, as he was reaching stages in his dying process and it was just awful to watch. It took the difficult path, having seizures that would started for only 15 seconds, to seizures that started lasting 2 minutes long. the doctors couldn't tell us what was wrong. ct scans and tests were done and they think he may have had a stroke but it wasn't showing up. it's so sad to watch him go through what he did. he had even said that he would have took his chances if he knew what was this past year was going to be like. Before surgery he was able to walk, drive, great appetite..and after surgery he couldn't stand straight, his balance was not there, he rarely left the house let alone his recliner. He dealt with the death of his wife (my grandma) who they had just celebrated their 45th anniversary, she was his "number one sugar baby." i lost her to cancer too, but i found out on my birthday in November 2013 and i had 4 days with her until she passed when she had realized her cancer was back. i miss him so so so much along with my grandma, and with 6 months apart from each death i feel numb to it. I couldn't get myself to break down in front of my family yet, now as i lay in bed and can't sleep i've cried a couple times but this time feels worse..so much different and i can't figure it out. i'm sorry if this sounds like a depressing grieving style but i just feel it wasn't the way i ever expected such sweet loving caring grandparents to pass away. it seemed so cruel. i needed to get this off my chest and this helped. thank you for listening

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Jun 19, 2014
For Amber
by: Debi

Dear Amber, I read your post about your Grandfather today. He certainly sounds like he was a wonderful character! I am so sorry he has passed and my heart goes out to you. I understand how you feel because I lost my beloved mother 1 month ago very suddenly and my heart is broken.
Amber your lovely Grandmother and Grandfather are now together again. He is with his 'number one sugar baby' and they will be watching over you until it is your turn to be reunited with them once more. It is natural that this time feels worse Amber because you are grieving for both of them this time. With only 6 months in between, you probably tried to stay strong for your Grandfather when your Grandmother passed. There is no rhyme nor reason as to how people die and that has been true since the world began. Bad things happen to good people. Grief is a road we are on that we didn't choose to be, but we can't get off it. We can't go round it we just have to go through it. Grief is also the price you pay for love and you clearly loved both of them very much and more importantly they knew this. They both love you and would hate to see you so upset, however crying, getting angry, screaming, feeling that life is so unfair, feelings of guilt and blame and overwhelming sadness are all natural emotions that we feel in grief. Don't avoid them as they are part of the healing process.Cry until you run out of tears, then try and focus on a happy picture in your mind of them both. Please also talk to them and ask them to comfort you, they will hear you and you will feel lighter I promise. Please look after yourself Amber and know that death is NOT the end, they are just beyond the veil. You can't see them but you will feel them all your life. Just as they were in life they are still. My thoughts and prayers are with you XX

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