We lost our only child of 28. Still waiting for answers.

by Denise
(Missouri )

We had the best baby, child, teenager, young adult. With her being an only child, she was always more mature than her peers, or at least more mature than most. Good work ethics. Yes we spoiled her, but she always gave back. I remember when she was in elementary school, coming home after closing the shop to make dinner. I'd look in the pantry, no food...I'd ask her the first couple of times after her cleaning pantry out, donating our food to the needy,"please honey, tell Mommie the next time, it's wonderful that you donate, but make sure we have something to eat tonight". She'd smile, those beautiful Caribbean blue eyes would twinkle. I was so proud of her! She always help her dad and I when possible. Not one lazy or selfish bone in her body. As she became of age, she started donating blood, we both have a B-type, but can't remember if it's negative or positive. She always had the longest, prettiest hair, anyone had ever seen, she'd grow it out, donate it to Locks for Love. She knew she could sell her blood & hair, but she was always thinking how she could help make a difference in this world. Her love of animals, I'd never seen anything like it. Most children pass the buck when it comes to taking care of her rescued animals. Always a zoo in our home, Dad could get frustrated at times, but we enjoyed every minute, she loved them all. Made sure they were bathed, had all shots, food, taught them tricks. Her little feral kitty, I do have to take the credit of teaching her how to walk on a leash. She'd look at me and say "Mom, I just can't be as firm with them as you", it always worked out fine. I went thru her break ups of a few boyfriends. She was never sad, she'd tell me, I gave them a chance, it just didn't work. One, I'm not going to support a man, besides I like my animals.. Did she ever! She always rescued cats and rabbits. I know I'm her mother, but I can tell you this, other than the neglectful dr, I've NEVER known of one adult who didn't cherish her. She was witty. She could dish it out, and she could take it! When I moved her back to my native state fours years ago, I couldn't even begin to believe all the friends she'd made, the same with her, she couldn't believe how many relatives she had, remarkable! We won't know the facts of how she passed, until we get the total autopsy results. It's driving me crazy! Not knowing. Everyone seems to think it was from a recent head injury. We don't know how long she'd gone, before she was found, thank goodness for her great work ethics. When she was a no call no show, her supervisor sent someone to the house. They called 911. The forced entered thru the back door. The investigator and the Medical Examiner really messed up. They told us we had a healthy young girl that died of natural causes! What? That doesn't make any sense! When I asked them about her head injury, they said, "Well.....That changes everything". I should think so!?! I wish we'd known more about concussions and Post traumatic Concussion Syndrome. The last time they scanned her brain was Nov 10th. She went back to see the dr in January. Not once did anyone say anything about taking precautions with flying. Not once was it suggested that she needed physical therapy. All I can still hear every waking moment and in my sleep, is what that specialist said, "She's angry"! I'm thinking, yes, I'd be angry also if I had an elephant memory, and had lost 6 weeks of her memory. She flew up to see us, when I picked her up she said she was still under his care, she was starting to have or get twitches, short term memory loss. We & her attorney told her not to wait six months to go back to the dr, but as soon as she returned, to see him immediately! She never had the chance. For I didn't know, except that her wallet was gone, she had 3 transactions she didn't make on her Debit Card. I didn't realize that whoever took her card, had to know her. Had to be with her, the night of the concert she went to see with an old co worker. Someone took her card, knew her pin, took all her money within 6 minutes. Such a big mess! The police arrested her for DUI/DWI, which all came back negative. This town had no case against her! It was from her injury. She was worse than when she first had the concussion. Same symptoms, only worse! And with her being falsely arrested, (she's NEVER been in trouble), oh yes, she WAS very ANGRY! Being young, no will, etc, I'll have to go into probate, me and of course her Dad are the closest relatives. Nobody will give me info to identify the person who robbed her. There's big fights around the corner. I just want justice! This all started with negligence of a motel, and total neglect of a dr. I'm so angry! In this day and age, there's not one place u can go to, I NEED to scream, hit, wail away! This pain is so terrible I can't explain it! My baby went thru pure torture the last few days of her life, then she laid down, (we assume) went to bed with her kitties, never woke up. I beat myself up, why didn't I drive her back, maybe if I was there I could of helped her. It breaks, no shatters my heart! Why is it the good ones? I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone, but I just don't understand. I want to get back, so at least I can be 30 miles away from her, instead of 1500 miles. Mother's Day was very hard, she was a Mother's Day Baby. Now Memorial Day is coming up. I'll ask a friend, if I ordered flowers, would they put them on her grave. I wish I had the $ to put a slab and a monument up, I'm praying, praying for a miracle! They happen! I want to start a foundation in her name helping animals. If I don't get involved with something that we both shared, I feel as if I'm going to fade away with
a shattered heart. These are trying times. This is when her dad and I should be pulling together. I'm afraid it's going in the opposite direction. Almost 32 years of marriage could be lost. He's just so
mean to me. It's not that he blames me, or maybe he does?I really don't know anymore. I'm 1500 miles away from my family. I didn't want to come back up where he resides. At this time, he sounded like he needed me. In my opinion, "Misery Loves Company"! Today, I am having a pity party! I lost my little girl, I want her back! In reality, I know it won't happen until it's my time for God to let me be with her. I never lost my faith. It's become stronger! I just can't go on like this, I'm loosing everything. Mainly me...... It's like I feel I have nothing to live for, nothing in this life. If I can find a purpose, I know that'd help. I just hope the original Medical Examiners aren't the same ones that are redoing/doing the total autopsy. I think it'll help to how how and why. I'm just lost at this time. It's so hard for me to be here. I just want to go and be where she's interred. If I'd stayed for Mother's Day, her Birthday, I'd been camping out there beside her. It was bad enough when she moved after graduation. That empty nest syndrome was bad. This is pure torture. I pray to God, please help me thru one more day. Please let someone give me an answer. I hope this works, telling my story, I'm reading stories others have written. My heart beaks for them too.